


Zero Context: Woolgathering

by CurtisWildcat



Series: Zero Context [2]
Category: Demashitaa! Powerpuff Girls Z, Nethack (Video Game), Original Work
Genre: Anthro, Anthro / Alien, Background Music, Based on a Role Playing Group, Cats, Clones, Crossover, Dicey Situations, Evil Child, F/F, Fantasy, Female-Centric, Learn As You Go, Modern Fantasy, Multiple Universe, Mutant Hybrid Pokemorph, Mythical Beings & Creatures, No Means No, Origin Story, Randomness, Sci-fi/fantasy, Sheep, Sheep Girl, Spy Crab - Freeform, Stoic Character, Superpowers, Tiger Vs. Dragon, Wolf girl, Wrestling references, dragon girl, mind flayer - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:46:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29546049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurtisWildcat/pseuds/CurtisWildcat
Summary: As the beleaguered secretary to one of Muffinville's most threatening beings, the sheep-girl Bahija doesn't get much respect. She is treated like debris by her own childish boss, and everyone else tolerates her at best or hates her at worst. Follow her path as she begins a normal day, and see how she first fell into her current predicament. And maybe, just maybe, watch as she achieves something that even she believed was impossible.Any story notes will be compiled into the final chapter, so if you have any questions (and you most likely will), please be patient.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Female Character
Series: Zero Context [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2170677
Kudos: 1





	1. The Leary and the Literal

_Approximate Date and Time:_ July of 2020, just before dawn

 _Location:_ Brotherhood HQ

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

The expansive room was dark. A blue suit jacket and tie hung on a rack in one corner. A detailed map of Muffinville proper decorated all of one wall, and a smaller map showing points of interest outside the city was pinned to another. An empty wooden desk sat forlornly beneath it. A closet door was ajar close by, from which a dizzying array of child-sized suits could be seen hanging inside; another door next to it led to a private bathroom. The bay window on the south side was completely blocked by heavy curtains.

The center of attention was the bed in the middle. Queen-sized, adorned with a star-speckled purple comforter and arrayed with no less than six pillows that seemed to glow, it was a practical nightlight without having any actual light of its own. It was in this bed that Missy Coco Shanelle softly snored away, dead to the world amidst a veritable cocoon of blankets with only her nose and mouth visible. A metallic staff larger than she was, tipped with a magic orb of unknown origin, rested against the bedpost.

A door off to the left opened to admit a shivering Bahija. The sheep-girl secretary was dressed more warmly than she would've liked for the summer, a heavy bathrobe over a full set of pajamas and a pair of slippers. She double-checked a thermostat next to the door before nodding in resigned acceptance. _53 degrees Fahrenheit,_ she thought as she closed the door behind her. _And here I was thinking that the temperature was too cold for summer. Why does she have it down so low? And why was I thinking that stealing those industrial-grade air conditioners was a good idea?_

Bahija's eyes focused on her boss. _I hate this part._ "Boss?" she called as she stepped near the bed. "Boss? Missy Coco, time to wake up."

As expected, Missy's snores kept going. _Seriously, I hate this._ "Missy?" she called again, this time a bit louder. "You said you had something big planned for today. Come on. Would you please get up? We can't get started until you do. You've had almost 10 hours of sleep by now. You can't seriously still be tired."

Still nothing. Bahija huffed and folded her arms. _She's being more stubborn than usual._ "Missy, get up. I've got Reese's Puffs in the kitchen. I thought you liked Reese's Puffs! You don't want any, I'm sure someone in the East wing would be proud to have them! I'll even take it over there myself and risk getting blown up with people. You love seeing me get blown up, don't you?"

Nada. Bahija rested a hand on her hip, lost as to how to proceed. _Thought for sure that would do it._ _Oh, well..._ She covered her mouth to suppress a yawn. _Maybe I can get me an extra hour. Maker knows I need it._ She turned away and headed for the exit---

"YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?"

The complete unexpectedness of the noise, which Bahija would later learn clocked in at 140 decibels, sent her skyrocketing with a scream. The humanoid blur cleared the seven meters between the floor and the ceiling, plowing straight through it.

"I'M GONNA GET MYSELF A 1967---"

The bundle of blankets came to life at last as Missy stirred, yawning.

"---CADILLAC ELDORADO CONVERTIBLE."

With a bit of struggling she pulled herself free of her cocoon, revealing the oversized headphones that adorned her cranium and protected her ears from the horrendous racket.

"HOT PINK, WITH WHALE SKIN HUBCAPS---"

She reached over, grabbed her staff...

"---AND ALL LEATHER COW INTERIOR---"

...and used it to shut off her alarm clock from a distance. "I love how that was made just for me," she chortled, rolling off the bed and getting to her feet. She removed her headphones and set them aside as she switched on a lamp, aiming to get ready for the day.

The floor shook as something crashed through the foyer's glass ceiling. What sounded like a screaming sheep kept up her racket until she smashed into the ground around a hundred feet below.

"Huh," Missy mused. "I had something big planned for today, and she goes and does it herself without my say-so. My secretary is awesome!"

"No, she isn't," one of the plushies guarding her door outside said. "You're just a jerk."

A cackle. "And don't you forget it!"

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

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Bahija was nothing if not durable. After landing, she was able to crawl into the kitchens and grab some hot water to restore her dragon-girl form. From there, her magic healed her wounds and allowed her to stand straight once more.

Twenty minutes later she was at a dining room table back in sheep-girl form, nibbling at a few cream cheese-layered bagels and some iced tea. Missy entered the room, fully dressed in her usual navy blue suit and dress tie, and claimed a box of Reese's Puffs for herself while humming [something obnoxious](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpGzUQotZzU) under her breath. Bahija didn't react, long used to her morning behavior by now.

Olympia Andromeda, the Brotherhood's current financial advisor and financier, entered shortly thereafter to get her own breakfast. If the name sounded ostentatious, that's because it was meant to be. Olympia wasn't just a princess due to her Indigo-ness: she was legitimate royalty who had claim to a fiefdom somewhere outside Muffinville proper, with a few extra holdings both within and without the city limits that made her wealthy. She was already clothed in her armored dress and regalia, though her sword was nowhere to be seen. She glanced cautiously at Bahija before grabbing some bacon and eggs from the fridge, setting to work at the nearest stove.

Bahija clamped down on her urge to dunk herself in tea water, abduct Olympia, fly off somewhere, and wait for someone to rescue her captive. Now wasn't the time for that. "We're still missing one," she said. "Where's Missy's bodyguard?"

"She's keeping herself out of sight today," Olympia answered, occupied. "She said something about 'lacking permission', artistic creators, and elements of insanity. Then she stole my Advil and locked herself in her quarters with it. Sweet Xia, that crazed little giggle she does creeps me out..."

"You're on point today, then," Missy ordered, her tone discouraging any arguments. "Tell the Chibi Ninjas that they're tasked with looking after the Ovalisks from now until evening, and make sure they grab their protective gear to prevent transformations. You're on bodyguard duty." She jammed her head into the cereal box and happily munched away at its contents.

Olympia sighed, her head sinking, and for an instant Bahija actually felt a bit of pity for her. The advisor was a halfway decent combatant; no one capable of gracefully swinging a crystal-bladed zweihänder as big and wide as she was one-handed could be called anything otherwise. However, the sad truth of the matter was that of the four of them, her list of abilities was the shortest. "Boss?" the secretary piped up. "Mind if I try my hand as a bodyguard? You know I'd be much better able to defend you compared to her."

This caused the advisor to look up hopefully, but Missy shook her boxed-in head. The cereal within rattled a bit in response. "No, I'd like you to tackle something for me today."

Bahija put down the bagel she was working through, trepidation rising as she awaited her orders. "What do you want me to do?"

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

 _Time:_ Three hours later

[ _Creeeaak._ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuyfBgr10Vw)

"AAAGH! I give, _I give!"_

Zapana Zquor released Bahija from the leglock she had her in and stood up, dusting off her hands. "I could have told you that was going to turn out poorly," she chastised her, making no move to help her defeated opponent to her feet.

"Missy told me she wanted me to tackle something today," Bahija whined, wincing as she stood up using a shelf for support. "I didn't think she meant it _literally!"_

A raised eyebrow as Zapana gestured at the small crowd that had gathered around them in the department store. "And her telling you to dress up as a wrestler didn't set off any warning sirens? ...That's an ugly uniform you chose, by the way. Just putting that out there."

Bahija 'hmphed', glaring off to the side. "I don't watch pro wrestling. Sue me."

"Alive for over two thousand years, and you've never watched pro wrestling? At all?" Zapana asked, not sure whether to believe her.

"Not that I haven't watched it. I just think it's a silly way for a grown person to make a living."

"Heh."

Bahija turned her glare on Zapana. "What's so funny?"

" _You_ are. You show up on the Muffin Continent as a dragon-girl warlock who thinks that bracers, sort-of-skirts and greaves are the height of fashion, and you're saying that grandstanding and beating each other senseless in boots and tights are both ridiculous."

The sheepgirl huffed, choosing to ignore the subtle sign that Zapana wasn't a fashion expert herself. She wasn't in the mood to argue semantics. "Well, they are! And the worst part is, they actually get _paid_ for all of that! How desperate can you get? Did they take too many hits to the brain as a kid?"

Zapana smirked. "Maybe they are and maybe they aren't, but it still makes you a massive hypocrite. And you know what I do to massive hypocrites?"

Bahija panicked, taking a few backwards steps but finding her movement blocked by a clothes rack as the wolf marched towards her. "No no no no _no no no---!"_

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

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SMASH!

_"Ouch!"_

SLAM!

_"Hey---!"_

SNAP!

_"Agh! My horns! She snapped off both my horns!"_

Kaoru whistled as the crowd cheered. --"Flowing DDT,"-- she said admirably. --"Nice."--

"Thank goodness I'm a little hypocrite and not a massive one," Callista murmured, not looking up from the jewelry she was browsing through nearby. She pulled a bottle of Dr. Pepper from her shopping bag and a $50 bill from her purse, handing them off to the store employee tending to her. "Pay you to give that soda pop to the sheep. Put the damages on my bill, and don't skimp on the estimate."

The man took both and hustled off.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

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Bahija grimaced a few minutes later as she walked down the street next to a happy Zapana, her horns fully restored and her wrestling gear swapped for a modified Japanese schoolgirl's uniform that the store had in stock. "You realize that if I had access to hot water in there, I'd have left your mangled skeleton to rot."

"True," Zapana countered, not losing her smile, "but you'd have to weigh that against the fact that if you opened your mouth even once, you'd risk having a Dark Fire Bullet shot straight down your gullet. Your normal form might withstand star-level flames, but your _insides_ sure can't. But hey; at least you'd have that warm and fuzzy feeling, right?"

Bahija's hand said 'hello' to her face, and her face reciprocated. "Today's just not my day..."

"You've got about eleven hours before nightfall. It's only going to get worse from here," Zapana warned, laughing. "How's your alcohol tolerance?"

"Poor."

"Great. C'mon. I know a good bar that's open 24/7. There's no better way to beat the stupid out of you than to get yourself well and truly smashed."

Bahija's grimace remained, this time for an entirely different reason. _I can't shake the feeling that there's a double meaning in that sentence._ Not seeing any other alternative, she kept up the pace.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

The "Brain Bender" was a bit off the beaten path. Zapana led Bahija into an alley, down a short flight of stairs, and left down another alley. Along the way she felt a tingle pass through her as the air and environment subtly shifted, Muffinville's way of telling her that she had passed into one of the city's many sub-dimensional areas. She suspected that it was of the type she wouldn't have been able to find if someone hadn't guided her in. Without saying anything, she made a note of the place for future surveillance.

The building's stone facade and pseudo-torches made her feel like she was entering a castle dungeon at first, though the neon sign advertising the bar blew that impression out of the water. The interior wasn't as drab and dirty as an actual dungeon, or even one of the old taverns: the floor and walls were stone, sure, but the place was clean, and there was adequate seating and a few paintings for decoration here and there. There was even a radio somewhere playing a [country tune](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mynzbmrtp9I) at low volume. The entire bar was well-lit, so she could see everything clearly. She counted eight customers scattered around, with three of them sitting in a corner engaged in quiet conversation.

Bahija looked at the bartender as she sat down at the counter, Zapana taking the stool to her right. He seemed humanoid from the neck down, but his bald head was reminiscent of an octopus. He even had a set of tentacles guarding his mouth from view. It was hardly the most disturbing thing she'd seen in her life---that honor went to the time she was forced to watch _The Garbage Pail Kids Movie_ after losing a bet---but it was still off-putting. "So if you don't mind me asking..." she spoke quietly, deciding that offending him probably wasn't a smart move.

"That's Steve," Zapana said, making no attempt to lower her voice. A few of the customers looked up at the disturbance, then settled when they saw who it was. "Guy's half mind flayer. They're telepathic, they can do damage from afar if they sense others using telepathy, and if their tentacles get in contact with you they can eat your brain. Which means if they tried it on _you,_ they could probably get arrested for sexual harassment."

"That joke wasn't funny when Ambush's kid first said it," Bahija snarled, traces of her true self heard around the edges. "It's not funny now."

"And yet it's still where a lot of your thoughts tend to gravitate. Am I wrong?"

"...Not really," Bahija admitted.

"Didn't think so. Hey, Steve? A [Dark 'n' Stormy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_%27n%27_Stormy) with extra lime for me, please. Give the lightweight here a bit of cider. She's new here."

The bartender grunted and got to work. Bahija ignored him in favor of a question that had been lurking around in the back of her mind since they had been kicked out of the store. "Zapana, I have to wonder. That Circe friend of yours is Blue, right?"

"Yeah. What about her?"

"So, why don't I ever hear about you insulting her the same way you insult me?"

Zapana snorted back a laugh. "I used to, for a year or two after I met her. I was forced to stop after people started getting on my case about it, then I had to leave for a while to grow up some after a prank gone wrong. Character development happened, we agreed to be friends, and here we are."

 _Huh..._ "So, what you're saying is that all this mockery I get from you whenever we meet _isn't_ due to discrimination?" Bahija asked.

"Not in the fullest sense, anyway," Zapana answered cheerfully. "Kittenoans don't have mammaries like most humanoids think of them as, so when I first met female humans I thought those things on their chests were ridiculous." A shrug. "Most of my interactions with humans were limited until the 90's, so I never got much flak for my opinions until after I started bothering Circe."

Bahija started to say something, but Zapana held up her hand to stop her. "Let me finish. Strange as it may sound, it isn't due to Blue's romantic inclinations either. Aldonza-chan, Calli and I all hate that aspect of the Color, but it's not like Circe gushes over it in daily conversation, or talks our ears off about her love life or anything like that. She's content with having an all-female staff and a modest status quo, and that makes her situation easier to ignore. Like yourself, it's so firmly ingrained in her due to the Color's influence that simply talking her out of it wouldn't have been enough anyway."

 _That's nice and everything, but I'm not seeing what she's getting at._ "Then level with me, Zapana," Bahija requested, unconsciously clasping her hands together on her lap. She barely acknowledged Steve when he placed their drinks before them. "Why do you persist in being an $^&@%& to me? What did I ever do to you specifically?"

"Me? Nothing," Zapana said without hesitation. "But considering that you've never shown any remorse for wanting to ruin Callista's life by ripping her away from home and adding her to your collection, you didn't have to. That's good enough for me."

 _Ch... so she wants to play that game?_ "That's rich coming from you. Your past as a super-soldier is a matter of public record, Zapana. Who knows how much damage you did to people's lives before you turned yourself in? How many hopes did _you_ dash before you were forced into your parole?" She smiled victoriously. "Face it: you're just as guilty as I am. I wonder if I could call my phone while it's _jammed between your ears?"_

"Actually, there's a pretty clear difference between you and I."

Bahija gave a confused bleat, wincing ever so slightly at the noise before clearing her throat and translating it into English. "...Huh?"

Zapana raised her glass to her lips and drained her drink dry in one go before continuing. "I was yanked out of my own house against my will by a power-hungry madman; I was genuinely sorry for the crimes I committed, which I should point out included straight-up murder; I was willing to fulfill the conditions of my parole, and I wanted wholeheartedly to do whatever it took---short of death, of course---to redeem myself in others' eyes before moving on with my life. I was even able to gain the forgiveness of those whose relatives I'd killed, and you can bet that took some major heart on their end." She chuckled softly in disbelief. "Seriously, who even does that..."

Zapana's jovial tone was dropped entirely in favor of animosity. "You, on the other hand, are as follows: #1, an unrepentant mass murderer and galactic conqueror who's never shown the slightest remorse for the skulls you've crushed beneath your feet; #2, guilty of almost every crime in existence, and proud of it; #3, you're so much of a nymphomaniac that you'd gladly violate any parole just to fulfill your worst desires one more time; and #4, you willingly joined a group that are antagonists for antagonism's sake just because you thought it would give you a shot at getting on Callista's good side. You're trying to put Ali Al-Saachez on the same level as Heero Yuy, for the lack of a better comparison."

Her irises went dark, and she leaned forward to look Bahija in the eyes so quickly that the secretary had to scramble not to fall off the stool. "Simply put: if you were an actual _sheep_ right now and not a humanoid with assorted sheep characteristics, I'd reduce you to a 'Futurama' head-in-a-jar, turn the rest of you into a roasted double-decker mutton sandwich (hold the relish), flavor it with the hottest sauces I can find, and eat it slowly over the course of thirty-five minutes while sitting in front of you. Then I'd re-humanize your head and stick your jar in some morally-deficient medic's refrigerator just for the inevitable 'Team Fortress 2' reference. And you know what the best part is? _**No one in the multiverse would care."**_

As Zapana turned away to stare into her empty glass, picking the slice of lime off the brim and eating it, Bahija straightened and regarded her own untouched drink. For a few seconds she was aware of the other customers watching curiously, which she dismissed. "Yeah, but... Callista's still beautiful," she murmured with a dreamy smile, an image of said girl in mid-shopping spree frozen in her mind.

Zapana faceplanted straight down, shattering her glass and cracking the counter. The eight patrons echoed the sentiment, though not with as much force.

"$285 for the replacement glass and the repairs," the bartender rumbled without looking up from the drink he was working on.

 _"Hai, hai,"_ Zapana groused, brushing glass out of her fur; Bahija noticed that none of the shards had actually penetrated her skin. "You might as well up that to $350, because I need to see what's going on in the mind of this grass-chewer. This is beyond ridiculous."

Bahija's nostrils flared. "Do you take me for a fool? I've never touched pot in my life!"

"And of course _that_ has to be your sole redeeming quality," Zapana growled, officially fed up. She lifted her left arm, raising it behind Bahija's head and causing her to freeze up. "Make that $705, Steve. For the bonus repair charge."

Bahija didn't have enough time to react before she felt a sharp impact on the back of her skull. A dark blur yanked her drink out of the way just before her head crashed off the counter with enough force to split the wood in two. She blacked out and slid off the stool, tumbling to the floor.


	2. So Comes Snow After Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dragon girl Acutus visits the Muffin Continent for the first time in centuries, showing us that Bahija wasn't always a weakling. Her designated summoner for the Continent has a moment in the spotlight as well. Neither of them leave this chapter unscathed.

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_**FOUR YEARS PRIOR** _

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 _Location:_ [Spring Valley Park](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Sq8BeG8QoY), outside of Muffinville

 _Time:_ Early winter, 2016

They had gotten word of her intentions the previous evening: their lord and master had a vacation lined up and wanted to make the Muffin Continent her first stop. It would take longer than she liked to fly here on her own, even with a FTL-drive, so the local branch of the Cult of Acutus was tasked with setting up the appropriate summoning circle outside of Muffinville. That was all that was going to happen, and everything was going to go perfectly.

Her identity concealed, Jennifer Berra wasn't afraid of being recognized by anyone. In the long run, it wouldn't matter: someday, her master would come to the Continent not to vacation and have fun, but to conquer and rule. Once that happened, who or _what_ Jennifer was would be completely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

That's what she kept telling herself, anyway.

Jennifer felt a slight pang in her heart as she thought of the inevitableness of her master's conquest. Not for the first time she wondered how she would save her beloved cats when that happened: they were working for that Circe sorceress now, long transformed after she sought to save them from old age. There was no guarantee that they would be spared when her master decided that she had delayed long enough.

Finally giving up after the importance of her current assignment returned to her, she put a pin on a mental note that reminded her to call Drew at the first opportunity. It had been years since she'd last spoken to her or Sabrina, and she hoped that they were happy now that their immediate future was secured. She smiled at the thought of telling them about the little kitten she'd adopted just recently.

Within the confines of her hood, her eyes roved about the park. Spring Valley had gotten its name because it almost never received the worst of what winter had to offer. Even now in late January there was scarcely any snow on the ground, and flower beds were in full bloom in defiance of the weather. Solitary picnic tables and the odd gazebo were stationed here and there, linked together by brick paths.

One table was even in use, she noticed as she approached. Jennifer quickly assessed its occupant: a human female, approximately 12-13 years old. Slightly tanned skin. Dark brown hair, almost black, with an Alice-style hairband. Dressed in pink and blue with every indication that she had walked here from the colder parts of the district. A quick glance of the book the girl was reading as Jennifer passed showed her that it was a treasury of old 'Tom and Jerry' comic issues. Nothing to concern herself with, though she did wonder why the girl was reading it if she didn't look entertained by it.

Reaching a space suitable for the summoning, Jennifer got to work on setting up the area for the ritual. As she did, she overheard several of her fellow cultists strike up a conversation with the human girl, talking about why they were there and who exactly they were bringing here. _Nothing wrong with starting out young,_ she told herself as she worked. _I myself was barely out of 3rd grade when I was first Blue-ified and designated as our master's primary summoner for the Continent. You've got to ingrain these behaviors in them early, after all._

But she had just started reciting the chant when the girl interrupted her with words that she _never_ thought anyone would say about their master:

"... ...So if I'm understanding you correctly, you're summoning a malevolent world conqueror from the other side of the universe... and being the complete morons you are, you think this is somehow a _good_ idea?"

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

 _... ...Excellent work, me. Of all the times to fail at keeping your thoughts to yourself, you had to pick_ now. _This is why I hate talking to people._

Ellen Harrison looked from one cultist to another. Each and every one of them were staring at her in disbelief as she stood up, folding her book beneath her arm. The head summoner in particular looked like she was doing her best impression of a fish out of water. _...I don't belong here,_ she told herself. _...I should probably be leaving. ...Check that; I should probably be_ running.

But she stayed where she was. Immovable, her blinks slow and methodical. Much like her mother's, now that she considered it. _...I wonder at what point I started taking after Mom more than Dad. I like dogs more than cats._

It was while Ellen was considering this that the summoner recovered her wits and pulled back her hood. Her visage almost hurt to look at: her hair and eyes were straight up blue, and in addition to being a bright white and dotted with tan freckles, her face was about as sharp as a humanoid could naturally get. She had no idea what species she was supposed to be. "Well well," the summoner said, radiating smarm and charm in equal amounts as she walked up to Ellen and placed a hand on her hip, slouching just a little. The girl shivered a bit as the intention in those words and that posture became clear. "We've got a tiny child here who doesn't quite know what she's talking about. Any objections if I taught you some? You never know. You might find the experience fulfilling. One might even say that it's positively _gratifying."_

 _... ...She didn't just say that. ...She did not just say that to an 8-year-old that looks like a middle-schooler. And it looks like everyone else is on board with this... in which case, I might as well counter her pass with one of my own._ "...My lips won't sip any swill you're selling. You might as well offer it to one of your own kind. At least then they'd get away with having to chew on it twice."

The summoner's eyes twitched as several of her fellow cultists uttered impressed 'oohs'. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you just called me a cow. You little smart-alecky _brat."_

 _...I'm not telling Circe about this one later._ "...Either that, or you're Blue as far as Colors go. I figured I had a 50-50 chance of getting it right." _...This on the other hand I'm_ not _sorry for._ "...So pardon the blatant movie reference, but you need to ease up out of my face before something bad happens to you. Whatever you want to do, leave me out of it. I have no tolerance for pedophiles, and neither do the police."

The look on her face was a sight to behold. "Miss Berra, you want to get the summoning out of the way?" one of the cultists piped up before the summoner could fully lose her temper. "It's not worth dealing with her. Let our master handle matters if she wants to."

"Right," 'Miss Berra' agreed reluctantly, still seeming like she wanted to teach Ellen a thing or two, and not in the 'romantic' sense of the phrase this time. "Well kid, I hate to say you don't know what you're missing, but you seriously don't. Trite expression or not, you will _not_ like me when I'm angry."

"...Trite with trite. I don't like you _now,"_ Ellen shot back. Several of the cultists sniggered. "...So I'm not seeing what difference it makes."

Miss Berra's face reddened further, but she refused to rise to Ellen's bait. Instead she returned to getting the ritual set up, glaring at her all the while. When everything was prepared and she began chanting at high speed, the paper specialist in-training was positive she heard "punish this little brat for insulting me" somewhere in there. _...Depending on how you view things, that could be seen as the summoner asking their dragon to punish_ her, _but that would just be an easy way out of this situation. I should get Mom to handle this. I don't quite trust my abilities to get me out of this intact, not if this person's as strong as they say she is._

Overhead, a tremendous rumbling got Ellen's attention. She shielded her eyes just before the dark clouds that had gathered mid-ritual began raining electrical bolts around the park. She knew the area was due for some bad weather, but nothing along the lines of this. _...Why is it that every high-powered summon has to bring lightning along with them? Feels overdone to me. Why not something like sunlight or flowers instead? ...Though I suppose decorating a monster with daisies, hyacinths, and roses wouldn't make it look very intimidating._

She felt a slight throbbing from her upper arm where her tattoo was located, followed by a momentary headache as the complete ritual burned itself into her memory. The crescent moon marking was given her by her primary magic instructor to help her manage any spells she wanted to remember for prolonged periods, but its biggest advantage---at the same time its biggest downside---was that it let her instantly memorize any magic she witnessed, including stuff she didn't want. _...Definitely clearing_ _ **that**_ _out at the first opportunity. What conceivable use would I have for that sort of thing?_

One particularly bright bolt struck the center of the summoning circle, disintegrating it and everything within. As her headache cleared up, Ellen waved away the smoke, trying to get a clear view of whoever it was that the cultists had brought to the Muffin Continent.

[The entity that](https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=1823879) [rose to her feet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rS7Va0sBYAM) was almost eight feet tall and layered with 350 pounds of draconic muscle, with scarcely any fat on her. She was covered with a natural layer of fur, feathers and scales that protected her modesty and looked like they could laugh off nuclear payloads, their hue a loose mix between jungle green and pale green-white, teal and turquoise. Her feathery wings were both a meter and a half wide, making for a very impressive wingspan, and her tail was long and built to crush anything it was swung at. Even without the claws, just one of her feet was larger than both of Ellen's put together. Her face was at once a lovely dream and a terrible nightmare: you could gaze on it and feel enthralled, but her covetous eyes and mouthful of fangs meant that any meeting with her was a dangerous game you weren't likely to walk away from.

Her stance and build gave off Blue vibes, which by itself didn't mean much, but something about her poise and the aura she exuded had Ellen on edge. Most people with that Color that the girl knew weren't inclined to cause her any trouble, but given what little she knew about dragons and their hoarding tendencies...

"Malveline re Fraul Scandalwan de la Acutus, you honor us by your presence," the summoner greeted her master, getting down to one knee.

"Little Miss Berra," the dragon acknowledged her. Ellen twitched; she had a voice like a squeaky can opener, which was very out of place for a being of that size, and she had the odd feeling that she'd heard it before. "Impressive summoning for a first try; I'll reward you appropriately later. And please, just call me Acutus. I'm on vacation... or I was. What's this I'm hearing about you wanting me to punish a little brat?"

While the two were busy talking, Ellen blew on one of her hands and jammed it into her coat pocket. To the other cultists, it would look like she was trying to keep it warm. That wasn't untrue, but it was still hiding the fact that her smartphone was in that particular pocket. Making sure it was powered on, she quickly tapped out a long sequence that her mother made sure she had memorized years ago. ... _Better end this before her "vacation" takes priority. I hope you get here quickly, Mom, because I don't like my chances here._

"I see. And what was she doing when all of you gathered here?" Acutus asked, bringing Ellen's mind back to the park and away from her phone.

"Reading comics, Lady Acutus," one of the cultists answered. "'Tom & Jerry.'"

"Ooh, classic violence," Acutus purred. "I've got to thank whoever it was that released those cartoons into the empire... always such a pleasure. Let me talk to her for a few minutes before I lay down the law, Little Miss Berra. Assuming she's a new initiate, did anyone think to tell her why I was brought here?"

Those that had spoken to Ellen before Jennifer had gotten to her raised their hands. "We tried that already," one of them said. "She didn't think much of the idea to summon you."

"Hmmm..." The dragon-girl quickly analyzed Ellen, a predatory gleam in those eyes. "She's still young. I should be able to persuade her before I officially go on vacation. It's been a few years since I last picked up any housepets."

 _..._ Definitely _not liking my chances here. Mom, where are you?_

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

\--"Callista? Callista!"--

In a private suite somewhere in the depths of the _Mungojerrie,_ a pair of eyes opened to complete and total darkness. _Mmf... water's still hot. Kaoru, it hasn't even been eight minutes. Why are you yelling?_

\--"Can't you hear?"-- Kaoru barked as loud as she could, the voice echoing throughout her mindscape. --"Ellen's calling your phone!"--

A yawn. _Your point?_

\--"Callista, she _never_ calls at this time! It's either 3:15 or not at all! If that's not important, nothing is!"--

Unwilling to get up and muttering to herself, Callista worked the bathroom door open with telekinesis and snagged her phone out of her room. Confirming that the phone was indeed playing the soft and jazzy ringtone assigned to Ellen, she levitated it over to her ear and answered the call. "Hello? What's wrong?"

There was no response, but she could hear several voices in the background, one of them Ellen's. Immediately suspicious, she closed her eyes and temporarily shut off all of her senses except for her hearing to better ascertain the situation.

A minute and a half later, she was gone in a surge of data.

...

"AAGH! Roast-ham-sandwich-on-a-barbecue-no-salad-dressing _I can't see a Michigan-blasted thing!"_

\--"That's what happens when you go from no light to _all_ the light in a heartbeat, ignoramus!"-- Kaoru chastised her. --"Sheesh!"--

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

The technically-youngest of the Harrison quadruplets watched as the summoned dragon-girl approached close enough for easy communication. Up close she was certainly imposing, but Ellen was no stranger to that sort of person. Her godfather, her parents, her sorceress friend Circe, a dozen others she was acquainted with... all of them could be very intimidating when they chose to be. As threatening as this 'conqueror' was, she wasn't _quite_ as commanding as they were.

_...Though I'd be lying if I said being in her presence isn't making me very nervous._

The dragon came to a stop about five feet away, considering Ellen with a thoughtful smirk. "Little neophyte," she greeted her disparagingly. "I am your new master. In case you didn't catch it the first time, I'm Malveline re Fraul Scandalwan de la Acutus, or simply Empress Acutus for short. Do you mind introducing yourself? I like to remember the names of everyone who serves me."

Ellen kept silent, matching Acutus' stare with her own. After ten seconds, the dragon's smile wavered a little. "Did you hear me, little lady? I wasn't really being quiet."

"...Oh, I heard you," Ellen replied. "...I was just under the impression that you weren't talking to me."

"Oh-ho? And what gave you that idea?"

"...Because I've never heard of you, nor have I ever had any interest in joining you. The fact that I was here when your stooges came here to summon you was just coincidental."

"Well, soi-tainly," a cultist cracked. One of her fellows dope-slapped her into silence, which only got the rest of them sniggering.

Acutus frowned, ignoring the nuts in the trail mix. "The lack of energy in your tone is deafening. Why must you sound so quiet when you could be so much more? You need some _Energy_ in your veins." A friendly smile and friendlier tone that belied the treachery hidden within. It was so smooth that if Ellen didn't know better, she would have believed that she was dealing with someone truly amiable. "Please, come with us. I'm willing to put some pep in your step if you're willing to make the jump. I'm a sweet dragon to my devotees, I promise."

"...Oh, you're sweet, alright," Ellen agreed, "insofar as a honey trap is considered sweet."

Acutus pouted, visibly disappointed that her ruse was seen through. "It's the Color, isn't it? No one ever wants to give up a future of children by their own flesh and blood. I assure you that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks---"

"---...What benefits?" Ellen interjected. "...You're right about me wanting kids someday. Kids that I've birthed _myself,_ mind you, not necessarily by adoption (though that's not off the table, either). I can't imagine any situation where I'd want to hook up with someone of my own gender, least of all a blatant card-carrying warlord. If your measurements are any proof, my chiropractor would probably retire rich. And you want my honest opinion? Those poses you and your followers keep striking make you look like escapees from nineties-era chick flicks. Take a hint, dragon: I'm not for sale. I like my dignity right where it is."

"Is it normal for 12-year-olds to be this verbose?" another of Acutus' followers asked aloud.

"...Eight years old," Ellen corrected her. _...And speaking as a former asthmatic, it's funny she says that._

None of this was helping with Acutus' disappointment. "Tch... you know what? Fine. Fine," she decided. She took a few steps towards Ellen, towering over her and dropping all pretenses at friendliness. Her tail lashed about, the air rippling with each movement. The pose she adopted this time showed high levels of arrogance. "I'm only going to give you these choices _once_ \---"

"---...You'd have an easier time threatening me if I could actually see your face," Ellen cut in again, unperturbed as she tried to look up at her, only to be thwarted by a set of obstacles.

"I was expecting you to back up when I got too close," Acutus uttered, a bit nonplussed (and perhaps the slightest bit embarrassed). She reached down and grabbed the collar of Ellen's coat with one hand, hoisting her up to eye level. "That better?" she asked, managing a trace of her previous politeness.

"... _Much_ better. Thank you."

Acutus nodded, then let her features turn vicious once more. "As I was saying, I'm only going to give you these choices once _._ #1: You can join my army as a soldier. I'm always looking for fresh bodies to fill my ranks. #2: You can join my family---"

 _...Read: "Harem",_ Ellen thought, but didn't say it aloud.

"---as a servant. You look like you could work yourself to the bone without complaining. Or #3: I scourge you with the full force of my magic and reduce you to a lifeless husk, provided there is enough left of you to _be_ a husk." That treacherous smile again. "Come now. It really is not a difficult decision."

 _...Godpapa Raleigh's going to have a conniption for the history books when he finds out about this._ Ellen glanced off to the side to check out a glint of light, hiding the motion by rolling her eyes. The solution to her problem had finally presented itself. "...Really not giving me a lot of options here... but I guess I'll go with #1, provided you or your cultists can answer my riddle correctly. If you can't, it's #2."

The dragon-girl huffed a little, realizing that Ellen was trying to put it off as long as possible but likely not understanding why. "A riddle, huh? Humf. Guess I have time to humor you. Shoot."

 _...Don't get ahead of me, dragon._ "...Carbon makes me sedimental. The ends justify my means. The music renders me well-bred. What am I?"

A blink. "That's actually kind of clever," Acutus admitted, face screwing up a little as she pondered the riddle. She lowered Ellen back down to the ground, keeping a tight grip on her shoulder to keep her from bolting, and tapped her chin with her free hand. "Hmmm... maybe it's... ...no, that can't be right... no sort of music would make _that_ well-bred..."

The cultists broke up into groups of 3-4 as they tried to determine the answer for themselves, talking to each other in low tones and debating possible solutions. Were she anyone else, Ellen would have laughed at just how seriously they were taking this. After all...

...it was little more than a distraction.

[ _"Rock & Rye!"_ ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faygo)

Acutus' face lit up. "That's it!" she exclaimed, turning to congratulate the one who'd shouted---

A compact volley of fireworks burst from a bottle in mid-air, striking her face at point-blank range. She screeched in surprise and raised an arm to shield her face, not from any sort of pain but from the unexpected light and noise. She gave a start when she realized that the distraction had weakened her grip just enough for Ellen to pull free and hustle out of her range, but she made no move to retrieve her just yet.

Once the last of the fireworks had detonated, Acutus flapped her wings a few times to clear away the smoke. She blinked away the spots in her eyes and glared at the culprit, irritated. "Alright, weeds, which one of..." Her voice trailed off as she realized that she hadn't been betrayed by one of her own followers, all of whom were backing away from a new arrival to the park. "...you..."

The now-empty soft drink bottle levitated itself back into Callista's hand, and she returned it to her shopping bag. For some reason, her eyes were squeezed closed. "Greetings from Michigan," she stated, her words having the sort of inflection that only came from being forcibly woken up from a nice nap. "Wish you weren't here."

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

"Aw, not her again," one of the cultists muttered, voicing the thoughts of most of those present. "It's that's freaky steamrolling shopper."

"Ugh, her? It took me _hours_ to wash the footprints out of my cloak..."

Ears twitching as she overhead their commentary, Acutus took in the new arrival. It was the same species as the smaller girl, clearly older, female and dressed similarly, though her coat was orange and dark blue instead of pink and sported a cat of some kind. Oddly her hair was plastered to her scalp, neck and the back of her coat, soaking wet. In addition she was squinting, her eyes nearly shut. The dragon-girl equated it to a small animal trying to see the world for the first time.

[Acutus' breath caught in her throat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ot8xlHTDbvM) as a realization sunk into her mind, her heart skipping a beat. _She's... she's beautiful!_ She nearly swooned, only staying upright through force of will.

Like Marc Maddhouse would experience years later, her perspective of Callista was bubbly and kaleidoscopic, emphasizing her looks while ignoring everything else. _Everything about her... her appearance, her defiance, it's_ _ **perfect!**_ _That's it, then. By hook or by crook, she is heading back to the empire with me!_ From corner to corner, her enthralled smile gave way to an overeager grin rife with fangs as she saw her new target quickly don a set of shades. _This vacation's off to a terrific start! It's not often that I get to combine work with play! SHE'S MINE, MINE,_ _ **MINE!**_

"Um... Lady Acutus?" one of her followers spoke up, seeing her face and putting two and two together. "I _really_ don't think taking her home with you's a good idea. She looks fit to rip something apart."

"Awwhh... now that's not right," Acutus crooned. Someone could probably see the hearts in her eyes if they looked close enough. "Why would our little sunglasses-wearing Athena have so much hatred for me?"

"She's being serious," another one stated nervously, taking a few backwards steps away. "And when she gets like that, _something's_ going to get split in half. Please, Lady Acutus, we know who she is and you don't. Don't antagonize her!"

"Brimming with confidence, you are." Acutus effected a long-suffering sigh. "Really, do you have so little faith in me that you believe I can't overcome this cute little ant the same way I've overcome hundreds of others?" She briefly flared her aura, her followers staggering under the weight of the Blue magic that engulfed them for an instant. It was a testament to her control that she did not need to cause any visual damage to the environment to accomplish this. "I do hope that was enough of a reminder. You will not stop me from having my fun, children." She sneered contemptuously. "And you will _not_ stop this dragon from claiming her treasure."

If anyone was still inclined to protest after she withdrew her power, they kept themselves from expressing it.

/-/-/-/-/-/

 _Beauty, brawn and brains,_ Callista groused to Ellen mentally, shielding their thoughts just in case anyone present was telepathic. _Pick any two. Are you alright?_

_...I was expecting Mom... must've dialed the wrong number. I'm fine. Refresh my memory on Athena, please?_

_Goddess of wisdom,_ Callista answered. _There's more to it than that, but that's all I know about her._

Ellen's visage didn't change, but her thoughts did twist a little. _...Classical mythology always did give me fits. So if you're Athena, what does that make her?_

Callista's hands tightened. She opened her eyes as they fully adjusted to the light, growling when she noticed that the action almost made the dragon stumble in delight. _Aphrodite, the way she's acting. The absolute_ _ **last**_ _thing I want is someone smitten with me. She's no deity, though. Just a dragon who's getting too greedy for her own good. Which means it's time for me to do what I do best._

_...Purchase her minimalist armor from her for two cents, a paper clip, and a damaged 'Uniracers' cartridge?_

A sweatdrop. _Okay,_ second _best._

/-/-/-/-/-/

 _Those eyes,_ Acutus thought, the sunglasses not quite enough to shield them from her sight. _They're just as gorgeous as the rest of her. My scientists have been perfecting the use of cloning in recent decades; I wonder if they could subject her to their process?_ She giggled eagerly, her mind going places that made her shiver with delight. _So much beauty all in one room, and all technically from the same creature? I'll never be lonely again!_

"Okay, putting a stop to that face right there," the subject of her thoughts proclaimed, bringing Acutus back to reality. "That can't be healthy."

 _Of course I may have to break her first, but that's minor._ "Oh, nothing unhealthy about it," Acutus assured her. "Just having a pleasant dream."

"Leave me out of your sick delusions," 'Athena' bit out. "More to the point..." Her eyes flicked towards the dragon's previous target. "Leave _her_ out of your sick delusions. I'm not going to let you take her away just to sate your greed, so just drop it."

"Fun fact: you're the hundredth person to tell me that," Acutus retorted with a leer. "No guesses as to what happened to the previous ninety-nine. But seeing as how you've hit the milestone, how about an all-expenses-paid trip to Dryukl'ava IV? It's the largest resort world in the universe." She walked back and forth a bit, gesticulating as she went. "Hundreds of archipelagos, plenty of places to swim, sunny and sandy beaches, worldwide tropical climate, all the food you could eat, a masseur on call, leagues of entertainment to choose from, sporting venues you probably won't find around here... you'll never be bored!"

She came to a stop, pointing at them both. "And all that's required, dearies, is that you submit yourselves to me heart and soul. It's not as bad as you're thinking, I promise. I wasn't lying when I said that I'm much more affable to my followers than my enemies."

"'Plenty of places to swim', huh?" 'Athena' said, clearly not impressed by Acutus trying to sell her on moving to her empire's central headquarters. "You ever wonder what it's like at the bottom of a lake?"

Acutus arched an eyebrow, amused. "Hmm?"

"You obviously never learned how to treat a child." 'Athena' locked eyes with her over her sunglasses. "Or how to swim. So I may as well volunteer to teach you both. Both objectives will tie in quite nicely _if you don't leave us alone."_

It was all Acutus could do not to laugh, her glee evident by the return of her face-splitting grin. _Oh, I'm going to_ _ **enjoy**_ _barbecuing this little shrimp. Such an attitude!_ "Hmph. _You,_ teach _me_ how to treat a child?" She stooped over a little, patting the girl's head condescendingly. "This arrogant scrawny whelp with no muscles, magic..." She made a point of gesturing at the human's upper torso in comparison with her own, smirking when one of the veins on the girl's face became visible. "...or _talent?"_

Acutus took two long steps back---her followers clearing off to the sides--- and raised her head, gesturing first at the underside of her chin where a dragon's traditional weakness was, then at her stomach just above her navel. "Sweetheart, if you're really that confident in your fate, you're more than welcome to try. Hit me with your best shot!"

"..."

"..."

Both humans were silent for several long moments. "...Well," the smaller one spoke at last, "she's dead."

"That, or she'll wish she was," 'Athena' answered, snarling as something began floating around her. _Zeroes and ones... binary?_ "Time me."

As the binary briefly obscured the girl from view, Acutus' ears twitched at the music [she began hearing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yqyk__DyXLY). _Is one of my followers listening to the radio, or---_

Instincts honed by nearly 2,000 years of combat and conquest roared at her to take evasive action _**now,**_ but she didn't believe it could be anything the two humans before her were doing. She couldn't sense any magic from either of them that wasn't strictly utilitarian. Neither was the taller one any sort of ki-adept, or carrying any high-tech firearms; both types were at least capable of bruising her. To top it off, their lackluster appearances weren't hiding any sort of extreme physical strength like she'd seen on a few humanoid races.

In any event, she refused to dodge. Whatever the gorgeous little kitten was about to do, Acutus had already thrown down the gauntlet and challenged her to do her worst. She might as well tough it out before---

Something large struck her gut, and all the air violently exited her lungs. She felt her feet lose their grip on the ground, felt the air lash out around her as she flew backwards---

_"L"_

Another impact, this time at the small of her back just above her tail.

_"i"_

A third, aimed just below her neck. The strike sent her pinwheeling into another blow that nailed her between her wings.

_"g"_

Kidneys.

_"h"_

Back of the head.

_"t"_

Chin.

_"s"_

Base of the tail.

_"p"_

Left knee.

_"e"_

Right shoulder.

_"e"_

Left flank.

_"d "_

Right forearm.

_"C"_

Nose.

_"r"_

Right heel.

_"u"_

Left shin.

_"s"_

Right wrist.

_"h"_

Behind the knees.

_"!"_

The repeated hits pinballed her back-and-forth across a rough circle fifteen feet in diameter. As Acutus' vision compensated for the effect, she thought she saw what was hitting her. _I was just calling her a 'little kitten' because she was lovely and adorable. I didn't think she could actually turn into one... and so fast, too! It's been ages since I fought someone that quick!_

After a few seconds, the Lightspeed Crush finally came to an end with an elbow strike to a... fairly sensitive area; it wasn't as bad for Acutus as it would have been for most humanoids, but it still made her lose focus for a moment. She stumbled as her feet re-established contact with the earth, but remained standing. _Oof... I take it back, she isn't bad. Deceptive, very deceptive... I know a few places where that could be put to good use. I'll look like a walking bruise in the morning, but recruiting her would be a definite good thing._ "Well, then---"

The outraged cry of a territorial puma interrupted her _('she's not done; this is a combo!'_ streaked through her mind), and something flashed towards her face. Acutus raised her arms to block, confident that the wall of fur, scales, and muscle would stop any slashing attacks that the human could bring to bear---

" _Quantum Cutters!"_

And her eyes widened as the kitty's little needle claws _passed straight through,_ her bracers' mangled remains dropping to the ground and bringing her thoughts to a standstill. Neither did the feline stop there, bombarding the dragon from every conceiveable angle. Acutus' attempts at shielding the targeted areas with her magic couldn't keep up, as the claws remained a step ahead the entire time... even ahead of their owners' own running speed. Strangely enough she couldn't register any pain despite her knowing that they _had_ to be doing something to her.

The final swipe nailed another sensitive area, which she _definitely_ felt; Acutus had to bite her tongue to keep herself from screaming. Immediately, she flooded that part of her body with healing magic. Much as she liked towering over others and flaunting her power, she _did_ like to sit down once in a while, so she tried to heal that particular injury as fast as she could---

"Right where I want you! _Mixed Drink!"_

Acutus watched a 32 oz. plastic cup (of all things) fly in an arc towards her; sneering, she tore it in half when it got close enough. The scent of something sweet and sugary hit her nostrils just before the cup's contents spilled out and made contact, startling her out of her healing---

The drink expanded and shifted into an incredibly thick, syrupy quagmire that caught her at roughly mid-torso, ensnaring her and pinning her feet to the ground. She grimaced and tried to clear the multi-colored slime away with her tail, but only succeeded in getting it caught as well. Try as she might, whether it was through flight or good old-fashioned muscle, she wasn't able to pull herself free.

It was fully clear to her by now that she had _severely_ underestimated the skills that the deceitful kitten... no, deceitful _tiger_ posessed; that emblem with the misshapen letter on her coat could hardly be representative of anything else. If she'd been thinking straight she would've realized that she could simply teleport free of the adhesive, but her pain and anger---directed not at the cat's brazen behavior, but at herself for letting her Blue-centric lust effect her decision-making---had fully distracted her. _Alright, enough's enough. She's hitting too hard for someone of her weight class, she's being a literal pain in the &%!$, she's had more than enough fun, and I'm declawing her right __**now!**_ Acutus opened her mouth wide, a blazing star of magic taking shape in her fanged maw, making her followers scramble to get clear---

[ _"Magicbane!"_ ](https://nethackwiki.com/wiki/Magicbane)

Something sliced across her chest, and everything fizzled; her Ancient Breath fell apart before it was halfway formed. This time she _did_ scream, for the dagger that struck there wasn't inflicting just a mere physical injury. Her wellspring of power took a nosedive as the feel of iron against her very core stunned her, making her vision swim. Another slash to the same area, and it felt as if everything that was _her_ became an open book to the eyes of those who could comprehend it. A third and fourth came and went without consequences, but upon the fifth...

A wall dropped into place in Acutus' mind, completely blocking her conscious mind away from her personal wellspring. She tried to reach into it, tried to summon _anything_ that would let her fight back against her tormentor, to heal her wounds, but found that she plain and simple couldn't touch it. She could imagine a floating hand waggling its finger at her and saying 'no, you can't do that'. That illusory hand **ripped** a chunk of magic straight out of her reservoir. A fragment of the Color that encompassed her, _defined_ her heart and soul straight up disappeared into the dagger like water swirling down the drain, never to be seen again.

_No! My magic! My power! Everything that makes me who I am... she's nullifying it!_

Five more slashes sealed the deal, draining more of her magic and making her dizziness worse before "Athena" jumped backwards out of her reach. Acutus tried to look straight ahead toward the humans, only to tilt her head sideways and see her terrified and disbelieving followers staring at the fight with their jaws fallen open. Her summoner in particular looked like she was ready to faint.

And perhaps it was something about the weapon used, but on the final slash her aggression was inexplicably replaced by fear. At that moment in time Acutus felt like she was an immature hatchling again, trembling and wanting to run from anything that looked at her funny, to nestle beneath her father's protective wings once more.

Of course she wasn't about to call it quits just yet, but everything was happening too quickly. Still, she tried her best to keep her feet under her and managed to smother her fear for the moment. She raised one hand, ready to release a pressure wave that could decimate half the continent through pure physical power. Even unable to focus, she wouldn't need to aim it...

_"~Theeese foolish gaaaames are tearrrring you aparrrrt~!"_

Acutus' attempt at staying upright was interrupted by a real jewel of a singing voice if it had repeated run-ins with a chalkboard, the background music shunted away for a few seconds as her brain was pierced through. She collapsed to her knees, cringing at the jolt the motion caused. She completely ignored the quagmire that she had let herself be engulfed in: nothing mattered except the unbridled noise of someone who had been permanently blacklisted from all of Muffinville's karaoke bars. Somewhere, she could hear her followers shrieking as they were caught in the malignant sound waves.

While her hands were clamped against her ears, her brain and body finally fully registered the pain that the Quantum Cutters had inflicted. Everywhere that Magicbane hadn't touched, from her forehead down to her toes, a multitude of rents scored her hide and torched her nerves. Her greaves went the way of her bracers, splitting into fragments that fell to the ground. One of her wings dropped to the ground as its bisection manifested, and the other wing's ambient light sputtered and died as its membrane and half its feathers were ripped apart. The tendons in her legs were shredded, depriving her of most of her mobility. Overcome, she threw her head back and howled with her true draconic voice, the sound and vibrations temporarily keeping the effects of the cacophony at bay.

 _This... this can't be possible! Why is everything hurting?!_ She lowered her hands from her ears as the girl's singing mercifully came to an end, pressing them against her shoulders in a vain attempt to ease her pain. She drew them away, blinking incomprehensibly as she saw that they were heavily stained a royal blue. _Why am I...?_

Acutus didn't have time to fully absorb the fact that it was the first time she'd seen her own blood since she was an immature whelp. A rippling chartreuse barrier---its source unknown---pulsed to life around her. The energies that comprised it expanded outward, pushing away her followers and launching everything away from their stations. Shoved both of the children away towards safety. Expanding until it covered the entire park.

Recognizing that the shield was trying to keep her trapped, she tried to teleport clear on reflex but was foiled by the emptiness of her cancelled magic. Her chest wounds flared, causing her breath to hiss through her teeth. She tried to fight past her collective pain, tried to pull herself free of the incomprehensibly gummy adhesive that was keeping her grounded.

The adhesive was never meant to be permanent, only maintaining its maximum effectiveness for about five minutes at most, so given time she would have been able to escape regardless of her current injuries.

Yes... _given time._

"Cosmetic Moonlight Blaster charge at zero point one septillionth percent," a male-sounding mechanical voice cut in unexpectedly from somewhere above; Acutus would've jumped in surprise if she hadn't been in so much pain. She could hear the sheer snark that comprised its tone without it saying anything other than the facts. "Krypton Shield engaged. Target locked. Let's sink ourselves a battleship."

Acutus looked up, seeing the interdimensional portal directly over her head for the first time. Just past it was nothing less than a complex-looking satellite that softly glowed, its power just barely contained. Beyond it was the star-speckled void of space.

Despite her situation, one oddity stood out in her mind. "'Cosmetic'...?"

"Why's it called that, you ask?" the voice answered her gleefully in full defiance of the vacuum between the satellite and the portal. "Because if you've made the boss angry, you might as well bend over backwards and **kiss** your keister _good-bye._ "

And it was at this point that Acutus came to an important realization: at the percentage the machine had given, this was _far_ from the little girl's best shot... but it didn't matter, because she was going to die to it anyway. A half-dozen emotions were burning in her heart as much as her tears burned in her eyes: shame that she had been defeated while her own followers watched, flabbergasted that she'd been brought low by someone of the girl's station, heartbreak brought on by a rejection of the highest degree, and others... but none of those emotions took precedence over the Magicbane-induced fear of knowing that she had tried to step on a flea, only to be seen as a flea herself.

 _No! This can't be how my empire meets its end! What have I done, what have I done?!_ She threw her pride aside and panicked, facing the distant form of the girl she'd provoked, hoping against hope to convince her to spare her life. _I don't want to die here!_ _ **I don't want to die here!**_

She had _just_ opened her mouth to shout when---exactly eighty-nine seconds after the words "Time Me" were uttered---the world around her burned silver-white and roared with every voice it could summon.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

"...Callista?"

"Yeah, Ellen?"

"...Did you know that I used to think _Mom and Dad_ were scary when they were angry?"

A wince as Callista's ears flattened in shame, her blush visible past her facial fur. "Ah, right. I'm sorry you had to see that." She scratched the back of her head as she watched the CMB strike split apart and scatter, the countless bolts ricocheting around the Shield's spherical interior. "For what little it's worth, that was too soon."

"...Apology accepted. Thanks for the save."

Callista morphed Magicbane back into Shape-Shifter's default purse, the threat over. "No biggie, kid. No biggie."

Unseen by the shopaholic was that Ellen had been taking notes the entire time. The increasingly sloppy scrawl, topped off with _**"W H A T A M I S E E I N G ? !"**_ , served as a notice that even the truly emotionless could find means of venting if pushed too far. The epic chewing out Callista received from Amber when she arrived and noticed this was nothing short of spectacular.

The two of them took to chasing after the cultists when they tried to flee, somehow missing out on Jennifer Berra's absence. On the other hand, Ellen refused to be distracted...

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

 _Time:_ About fifteen minutes later

Down in Muffinville proper, a tiny little black kitten had no idea what was going on. A strange scent had tickled its nose without prior warning, so it had padded into the living room to investigate. On arriving, it saw a large unfamiliar cat sitting upright in its owner's favorite chair. The cat was staring straight ahead at the apartment's entryway, its tail lashing periodically. It paid the kitten's questioning mew no mind, instead focusing on the door.

There was something about the cat that screamed 'stay away', and the kitten chose to obey its instincts. It instead focused on a little toy mouse near the television, batting it around and chasing after it. If the kitten had been paying more attention, it would have seen the intruding cat mysteriously disappear from view.

A minute later, the kitten became alert when she heard a door from out in the hall open, followed by the rushing of feet as it approached the apartment. The doorknob frantically jiggled, then opened, admitting the kitten's owner.

Jennifer hurried inside, shoving the door closed and locking it behind her. For a few moments she didn't say anything, filling her lungs with much-needed air as her leg muscles burned. "I'm... I'm safe," she finally managed to articulate to her kitten when it made an inquiry, her speech delirious with relief. "She... she didn't catch me. She got Lady Acutus, but she didn't catch me. Found... found public transportation, and... and---"

~"Jenny Jenny, you're the one for me..."~ an eerie male voice hissed as the apartment inexplicably went completely dark, a sudden surge of terror paralyzing her. ~"You don't know me, but you make me so angry..."~

The kitten yowled in fear of the sheer malevolence that was being exhibited and bolted from the room, fur standing on end. Cowering beneath a chair in the kitchen and turning to look, it saw something feline-but-not floating in the living room over Jennifer's cowering form, its existence covered in eyes and fangs across its entire body. The kitten hunkered down, making little whining noises at the back of its throat as it saw its owner being attacked.

"You... you're Ambush Cat!" Jennifer pulled her hood over the face so that she wouldn't have to look at the growing shadows. "How did you find me? Why are you doing this?!"

~"Jenny, I've got your number,"~ Ambush continued to sing-hiss, all of its eyes glowing. ~"I'm going to make you mine... Jenny, _don't change your number!"~_

Jennifer's cloak, hood and all, was inexplicably yanked over her head. The not-feline spat something at it, and to the kitten's limited eyesight it seemed to shine... just before the cloak began to pry open her mouth and force itself down into her digestive tract. She tried to scream, tried in vain to pull it out as she and her clothes began to physically change...

As the cloak steadily disappeared and Jennifer's form shifted, the not-feline's multitude of eyes turned towards the frightened kitten. "Food and water bowls are full," it spoke with a normal voice. "Scratching post, toys, clean litter pan, plenty of places to climb and run about, bed and blanket... I can sense a lot of love here. She takes good care of you, doesn't she?"

The kitten didn't answer, not understanding his words. After a few moments Jennifer's body came to rest on the floor, and Ambush's appearance switched back to the intruding cat from earlier. The darkness disappeared, the apartment's lighting returning to normal. "Don't worry about a thing, lil' kitten. Your owner will live, that was never in doubt. She just won't necessarily live _well."_

His job done, Ambush strolled towards the exit with his tail in the air. ~"867-5309..."~ he crooned as he slithered beneath the door like a watery snake. He continued to sing to himself as his presence faded from the condominium.

The kitten didn't move until it was positive that the scary cat was gone. It trotted up to its owner's face, sniffing a little as its fur slowly settled. She didn't smell like the same person, the body shape was different... none of it made sense to its little feline mind. What happened?

[After a short time,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IUf9bqL6b8) [Jennifer stirred.](https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=2182489) She seemed younger, edging closer to early-middle instead of late adolesence, and her voice's tone and timbre were noticeably lighter. Her skin was a normal color instead of the bright white it had been before. Her freckles were gone, and her face was youthful without any of the sharpness it previously had. The hair was no longer blue, but a light brown, almost blonde. "Mmf," she grunted as she sat up, a hand on her forehead. "What happened?" She shivered as she saw her old clothes had been replaced with a light blue-and-white dress. "And what did that menace turn me into? I don't feel like I'm Blue anymore..."

"Mrew!" the kitten called, getting Jennifer's attention.

Relieved that it was okay, the girl gently picked up the kitten and nuzzled it. She smiled and giggled softly as the kitten nosed and lightly swatted her cheek in response, recognizing her as its owner. "I'm okay, Philomena. I'm okay," she assured it, happy that her pet was not traumatized from what it had witnessed. "I'm sorry to make you worry."

As she petted the kitten, Jennifer slowly turned towards her refrigerator. "Though I'm having the strangest craving for New York cheesecake and M&Ms right now, and I don't get why. Weird."


	3. Tiger and Ungulate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They say that time eases all wounds. Sometimes it creates entirely new ones, too, such as dragons in sheep's clothing.

[Time passed in a blur.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVYc9ArI9jU)

Bahija had recalled the Blaster enveloping her in otherworldly fire and force point-blank, its makeup she couldn't comprehend in the seconds it took her to black out. She remembered an incident early in her career when she thought destroying a star to remove an enemy fleet from the equation was a good idea, something that ultimately proved successful but got herself caught in the resulting supernova. Comparing the two experiences, she felt she could safely say that her most recent trial was a thousand times worse. And that was in the most literal sense, given how much power she had been subjected to.

Acutus was arrogant and proud, but she knew the limitations of her power. If a mere _fraction_ had done this much harm to her, what did that say about the full extent of the resources at her assailant's command?

There wasn't an inch of her that wasn't broken in some way after Callista had finished with her, and the CMB was just the exclamation mark at the end of the sentence. By the time the satellite's power had been expended and the Krypton Shield was deactivated, the park had been replaced by a large misshapen crater. The dragon-girl was embedded at the bottom, her once magnificent form caved in and stained a royal blue wherever it wasn't covered in dirt. A thick cloud of magic particles hovered in the crater, the Blue they embodied having been blasted free from their owner through sheer force. Most of her scales littered the ground near her, torn free much the same.

To add insult to injury, nature itself decided that the area was due for a natural disaster. A torrential downpour that spanned the horizons swept through shortly after everyone had left, pouring water into the crater. Floodwaters followed not far behind, and before too long the Muffin Continent had a new lake to its name, just as Callista had predicted. A week after the downpour subsided, someone had the bright idea to stock the lake with Color-resistant fish and other wildlife, expanding the boundaries of the park and renaming it from "Spring Valley" to "Spring Crater"... and the indignities continued.

Too weak to pull herself out of the lake's bottom, too drained of magic to even consider restoring herself and too wounded to care, Acutus could do nothing aside from occasionally staring up at the surface with half-shut eyes, fish swimming across her vision like an eternal screensaver. Most days were spent in a total daze as she was no longer able to keep her thoughts pinned down, unconscious 22 hours a day on average. So too did those brave or Blue enough to try fishing her scales out from the lake go unseen; before, she would have been enraged at their audacity.

Pretty much the only thing that saved her life was one of the biggest rules of the Muffin Continent: _No one of any relevance dies an unnatural, cruel or unusual death, and neither does anyone experiencing a completely unexpected demise stay dead for long._ During Acutus' last visit to her old home over three hundred years before, no such rule existed. Anyone could and did die, whether it was through violent or mundane means. The same change that Muffinville was known for had its way with the rest of the world in the decades preceding her return, the local deities doing as they pleased. Her personal defenses had protected her from the CMB blast, if barely, but if it hadn't been for that one rule, nothing would have prevented her from eventually starving to death alone in the lake.

'Alone.' Looking back, that word filled her with the sort of fear that Callista could never cause. Being Blue to such a degree that the Color's influence actually exacerbated, steadily claiming her piece by piece as her life went on, she would naturally seek other women for company at all times... often for the type of company that would have ensured twenty life sentences were she ever captured. Her entire life revolved around herself, having others around her, and controlling them. Totally deprived of contact with only non-sapient fish and other aquatic life for company, she would have plummeted into depression had she been in a position to care.

The majority of those inflicted with Colors could resist the effects if their wills were strong enough, and even if they couldn't, many lived their lives without being as defined by their Color as Acutus was. Being too obsessed with power and control, she never cared as long as she had what she wanted. She was called a Blue girl before, but by the time of her latest visit to the Muffin Continent she well and truly _embodied_ the Color.

In light of the damage she inflicted on the universe with her conquests, sometimes there was such a thing as being _too_ social.

Finally, a year and five months after her forced exile, she gained her freedom. Several powerful entities, one of whom was part of a long-lived race that Acutus had briefly crossed paths with early in her life, were able to yank her out of the lake. While getting her healed from the lingering battle damage, the two of them got the full story out of her. Raleigh was quick to lay down the law and put the fear of him in her, making it _absolutely clear_ what would happen if one of his godchildren were harassed again. He then bestowed a Jusenkyo curse on her, turning her into a sheep (and getting the world's Goddess of Nature to bust her sides laughing); a transfusion of Blue from the lake later, and Bahija walked the earth for the first time.

/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/

Switching places in the metaphorical food chain took some getting used to.

Where Acutus had been a stuck-up power-hungry snob at the top of the heap, Bahija was starting from the bottom of the barrel. If you were judging them strictly by their faces, one looked fit to smack someone gleefully at any time whereas the other looked as if she would cry if she swatted a mosquito. And if you judged them by their physiques, one could benchpress all of the Autobots at once while the other struggled to carry a full load of groceries through her front door.

You couldn't say that she wasn't adaptable, though. As the weeks and months passed, she quickly developed a reputation as a good-natured humanitarian with a heart larger than Muffinville itself. Time and again she was sighted at kitchens around the city, providing food for the homeless and performing community service whenever the opportunity presented itself. No one bothered asking her about her origins; interdimensional visitors and new residents from beyond the veil were a dime a dozen, so she was able to give the impression that she was from another universe and had just taken a shine to Muffinville. Even the one-story dwelling that she was renting was as humble as any, being seen as a sign that she didn't believe in exploiting her goodwill for her benefit.

What Bahija never told anyone was why she always looked green around the gills at the end of each work day, making vague utterances about some unidentifiable autoimmune illness or another. At her core, her long-standing belief that the universe revolved around her remained unmoved. Never once did she think about what she had done across her life and say "there's fifty thousand things I should have done differently". She felt justified in her words and actions, maintaining her view that she was superior to _almost_ all mortal life. If anything, rendering aid to others---the deeds she would delegate to her generals after another conquest, if only to keep her empire stable---made her want to vomit, and it was rare for her not to do so as soon as she returned home.

In addition, Bahija had always operated by the standard of "might makes right". For twenty-odd centuries she had the most power in her section of the universe (discounting that one encounter with that member of Raleigh's race), and thus she made everyone submit to her, be they enemies or acolytes. It wasn't necessarily restricted to _her_ might, either; meeting Callista enthralled her, but almost getting killed by her made Bahija want to be submissive herself. The tiger had proven her might, so it was only right that the dragon gave herself to her.

Thus, when Acutus became Bahija and regained her vitality, she let herself be manipulated by her healer and the Goddess of Nature into accepting a certain silver ring. The ring would prevent any telepaths, most of all Callista, from sensing her thoughts and discovering her intentions towards her. With a blessing bestowed on the ring by Viridi, citing the importance of it not getting erased by Callista's "sheer reality hax" in the event of its discovery, she would be all set to do as she pleased.

So in her months as a humanitarian, she spent the bulk of her free time getting whatever information on Callista that she could, starting with her full name and _all_ her known powers. With everything she learned seeing the scope of her holdings and activities, Bahija became more and more convinced that she was right to try and attach herself to the younger girl. She decided that even if she _hadn't_ underestimated Callista and fought with all her might from the get-go, the cat's chances of victory were much higher than hers. And that was without getting into that Blaster she was hit with; she'd paled after doing the math and determining just how much damage a full-powered shot could do.

Really, considering how much Callista had at her control, Bahija was surprised that she didn't throw her power around more often. She certainly could've had anything she wanted, that was for certain, but for some reason she chose not to. It was only during the "Last Rites" affair in 2020 that she received a clear answer, and much like Marc she had trouble comprehending it. Callista didn't give a second thought to her riches or possessions, and finding honest work didn't appeal to her; she was too free-spirited to care about any of that more than she really needed to, and that just didn't make sense to Bahija's hoarding sensibilities.

...

During her time engulfed in the "swamp of good will", as she called it, several noteworthy events came to light.

Plans to submit herself to Callista notwithstanding, Acutus had always intended to return to her empire someday to reclaim any worlds that had broken away in her absence. In August, she learned from her former summoner that there was no longer an empire to return _to_. The Infinite Defense had nabbed Jennifer and forced her to cooperate with them earlier that year, telling them everything she knew about her master's forces. The "consultation" snowballed: the organization hit hard and fast, striking at every major world in the empire and every essential facility more or less simultaneously. This was followed up by an extensive sweep that managed to capture all of Acutus' loyalists, much to the citizens' relief. Jennifer had no choice but to go along with them and watch as everything that had been accomplished across Acutus' entire life came crashing down within just a few weeks (literally, in the case of the palace on Dryukl'ava IV), after which she was released from their custody.

The sheep-girl had felt the world fall out from under her after hearing the news. She struggled to come to terms with her loss: her empire, her "family" as she liked to call it, nearly everything she possessed... they had all been ripped away from her. She still had her birth form and all of its power, but everything she now owned fit in the confines of a simple one-story house. For a time she wondered if there was even a point to continuing her personal quest, seriously contemplating throwing herself into her new life no matter how much it made her sick. She had a mental image of herself permanently locked in her cursed form, smiling at small children and playing with babies all day before going home and crying herself to sleep every night.

But one look at her bootleg Callista body pillow, and all of her doubts went away. Don't ask the narrator what goes on in her brain, because he has no idea what the Michigan.

The second event of note was the retirement of someone named "Colonel Caprice". What reports Bahija could find about her were conflicting. Allegedly she was a Violet, tomapple-happy airhead who took over the once-mighty Brotherhood after her "husband", the 'glorious and awesome Himitsu', and his associates disappeared for reasons unknown. She was supposed to have a claim to it after the Brotherhood's previous head, someone named "Black Dragon" (or "Snow Dragon" depending on the reports), had his Last Will & Testament probated. There were other reports that said that Caprice never received any share in the Brotherhood, that the only thing she'd gotten from Black Dragon in his will was the Spamlady Supreme title. And there were others that...

By the time she'd finished reading everything on Caprice and the Brotherhood---which had spanned two worlds in different universes, not just the one she'd assumed---she was left thoroughly dazed. _When did the concept of violence get so confusing? When did the_ Muffin Continent _get so confusing? It wasn't always like this! And what the #$+% &*'s a 'Spamlady Supreme'?_

Reading between the lines, the best Bahija could determine about the Brotherhood was that they'd long deviated from their original goals, whatever they were (though there were vague mentions of an opposing group called the 'Sisterhood' and an event known as 'First Impact' at Spamville), and had become focused on spreading chaos and violence for the sake of both, often trying to kill each other as much as their enemies. As one example of their absurdity, Himitsu's battle cry had been "Death to the fuku!" Bahija decided that if that wasn't chaotic, nothing was. What could anyone possibly have against school uniforms?

...Though she did revise her opinion some after seeing footage of the Sailor Senshi. Their do-gooding grated on her nerves something fierce.

As for Caprice herself: after divvying up her belongings and personas to anyone willing to partake in that endeavor, she'd waved good-bye to the Villes and disappeared into her box, which shrunk in on itself to the point of non-existence. It was seeing the footage of this that made Bahija decide that logic in Muffinville didn't matter as much as it used to, because that was something that she hadn't believed was physically possible.

Ultimately though, none of that was important. What _was_ important was that for reasons Bahija couldn't understand, considering that they flew in the face of everything she knew about the girl, is that Callista had asked Caprice for full control of what was left of the Brotherhood... _and received it._

Callista had also received the 'Spamlady Supreme' title, but Bahija chose to ignore that. If she couldn't figure out what in blazes that was about, and if the human never flaunted it, then it probably wasn't relevant.

Bahija continued to keep track of everything in the news concerning Callista and her control over the Brotherhood. There was a vast amount of resources and minions at her beck and call, up to and including a dangerous minion-producing device called the Cosmic Plushie Forge. Thing was, Callista never seemed to _do_ anything worthy of being the Brotherhood's leader. She _tried_ to be antagonistic, she really did, but everyone could tell that her heart wasn't in it. The few times she caused actual damage, she paid for repairs out of her own pocket and made whatever amends she could. After one event she even made a formal apology, and those who couldn't tell that she meant every word needed to have their ears cleaned.

For all her unscrupulous shopping habits and ferocity in combat, Callista was clearly too nice to be a supervillain... and it was on realizing this fact that Bahija perceived what she saw as a way to get the kitten's favor. If being good-natured was holding her back, then those aspects of her personality would have to go.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

_Date/Time:_ Mid-morning, early-to-mid August 2017

 _Location:_ Tenth Alley Mall

"Excuse me, Miss Wilson?" came a meek, almost nervous voice.

Callista didn't look up, intently examining six different brands of stopwatches at the sporting goods store she was in. "Yeah? What do you need?"

"I'm... kind of a big fan of yours. I watched your last match against Archie Foster..."

For a moment Callista debated ignoring her and going about her business, but decided she was better off humoring her instead. At least she wasn't being overly obsessive with her like _some_ fans she could name... though she did wonder why she hadn't sensed the girl's approach. _Maybe she just has excellent control of her thoughts?_ "I don't do selfies, but I'm okay giving autographs," she said, placing all six stopwatches in her shopping bag and holding out her hand. "You got something for me to sign?"

A glossy, laminated photograph was given to her. It showed her hybrid form engaged in combat against an Archeops-man who was using Ancient Power to counter her Ice Beam attack. That match had been just two days ago, so the details were still fresh in her mind. She had ended up losing, but no one accidentally made her angry throughout it all, so she felt like she'd enjoyed herself. That in itself made it worthy of remembrance. "Good choice. Who do I make this out to?"

"Bahija, Miss Wilson," the voice confirmed, spelling it out for her.

Callista took a permanent marker from her purse, scrawling "To Bahija - Best Wishes!", her name and personal logo in one corner before handing the photo back. "Here you go."

A barely repressed squeal reached her ears before the person got a hold of herself. Callista reached over to grab a pedometer, aiming to dismiss the encounter from her mind and keep shopping.

It took about fifteen seconds for her to realize that not only was Bahija still there, but she was shuffling her feet restlessly. Turning to look at her for the first time, Callista quickly skimmed over her appearance: short and wavy light brown-silvery hair, almost white; irises and pupils in different shades of green; the anxious face of someone _way_ out of their element. The girl was doing a good job of hiding it given how modest she appeared to be, but the shopaholic had been around Muffinville long enough to recognize someone Blue when she saw one.

 _And I was under the impression that ewes didn't have horns shaped like that... bah. The continent's transformations are weird._ "Need help with something?"

"Right," Bahija said, swallowing nervously. "Um... I work here at the mall part-time. I know today's my day off, but do you need any help picking something out?"

"Thanks, but this isn't my first trip through." Callista started to turn away, then paused as an idea came to mind. "Though I guess if you're offering, mind helping me carry some stuff?"

A slight tilt of the head. "Not to say no, but don't you have telekinesis? Can't you just carry everything with your mind?"

Callista snorted lightly. "Hah. What's shopping if there's no real challenge? I'm out to buy today, not to think. I'll save the telekinesis for when I believe it's needed."

The air was rife with confusion, but to her credit Bahija didn't let it get to her. "Okay... well, I guess I don't mind playing pack mule---WAAAAA!"

 _"TERRIFIC!"_ Callista hollered with a grin as she yanked Bahija off her feet without warning, [charging past several other shoppers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBUCa5ZpHbE) further into the store. The sheep-girl held on tight to Calli's hand while waving about in the air like a flag, the force threatening to pull her arm from its socket. "As the first fan who's ever asked for time with me _without_ being pushy about it, you'll get to see first hand how a superstar works! Where's the golf clubs?!"

_"Hel-l-l-p-p-p m-e-e-e-e someone-e-e-e!"_

Everyone else, who knew better than to get between Callista and a potential purchase, stayed as far away from them as possible and tried not to hear Bahija's frantic cries.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

_This is going to be worth it. This is going to be worth it,_ Bahija repeated to herself as she watched Callista haggle with the clerk, something which normally should not have been allowed. It was as if reality bent around her, letting her do anything she wanted as long as it expedited her shopping trips. She'd even cut in front of several people who were already in line at the counter, and they didn't seem to care. _This is going to be worth it._

"---two old sticky notes and a rubber band!" Callista was declaring, slamming the items in question onto the counter. "You can't resist the siren call of a more efficient process, Johnny boy!"

"Well, I _was_ just going to take the notes, but as long as you're leaving the rubber band---"

_This is going to be worth it._

"It's agreed, then! Come on, sheepy! We've got four more stores to hit before the food courts!" Callista piled her purchases thus far into Bahija's arms and took off across the hall into a toy store. "Ooh~, the latest 'Trivial Pursuit' cards! MINE!"

 _This is going to be worth it, but % &$@ if it's not going to tear my muscles apart first,_ Bahija complained as she stumbled after the exuberant shopper, trying not to drop anything.

...

...

"Once again," Zapana sighed as she paid for Callista's purchases in full a minute later, "I'm really sorry about this."

"For the 70th time, don't worry about it," one of the clerk's co-workers said. "This is Muffinville. You could do worse for a friend."

"Doesn't really make me feel much better..."

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

The passage of an hour and ten minutes found them at the mall's food court. Bahija admitted to feeling a bit peckish (though her own definition of the word didn't fit the situation), so to sate her appetite she bought herself a tofu burger and some water. It wasn't her first choice, but as a sheep-girl she was supposed to give the impression that she was a vegetarian who cared about her figure.

In contrast, Callista's appetite was locked in at max acceleration. Three large chocolate milkshakes. Five hot dogs with ketchup and mustard. Two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Two slices of cherry phosphate pie. Six cheeseburgers, each as big as her head (and with no pickles or tomatoes, Bahija noticed). Four slices of gooey, cheesy deep-dish pizza loaded with meat. Seven cups of macaroni & cheese. A serving of shepherd's pie. Two dozen assorted doughnuts, plus one bear claw. Five servings of French fries. Three large brownies. Five chimichangas. Four bags of chicken nuggets. Four scoops of 'Extreme Moose Tracks' ice cream. Two roast beef sandwiches. Three servings of meat loaf. Six servings of mashed potatoes, complete with margarine. A two-layer lemon cake with chocolate frosting. A serving of chicken alfredo. Three thick slices of lasagna. Two egg-and-sausage croissant sandwiches. A lone grape-flavored Skittle. And all of it washed down with a pitcher of water as large and wide as the chairs the two of them sat in.

...

Bahija blinked herself back to awareness when Callista waved her hand in front of her face. "Hello~? Anyone home~?" the somehow-still-average-weighted girl called. "C'mon, wake up. You've been sitting there slackjawed for, like, half an hour! Seriously, I had to swat a few flies that were trying to land in your mouth!"

It was understandable to those watching when the first words out of Bahija's mouth were a high-pitched "How have you not _exploded_ yet?! That's positively gluttonous!"

Callista snorted back a laugh. "Pffsh. You'd be surprised just how much energy it takes to be as awesome a shopper as I am. Besides, this is nothing compared to what Garfield does every other week."

"Garfield's a comic-strip housecat, you're a real-life human!" Bahija protested. "That's nowhere even _close_ to being the same thing!"

"And you're stating the brutally obvious why, exactly?" Callista took a moment to check her teeth in a pocket mirror that she kept in her purse. Around her, assorted mall employees cleaned away all the trash she'd left in her wake. "And speaking of 'brutally obvious', are you going to eat that or can I have it?"

Bahija was about to say something in response to the first question, but stopped when she heard the second. From the moment she'd seen how much Callista had ordered for lunch, her tofu burger had remained untouched. "I'll eat it," she said before putting actions to words, taking more measured bites than the Shopping Queen ever did. "Be patient with me, please?"

"Yeah yeah, sure sure." Callista leaned back in her chair, staring up at the skylight far overhead and sinking into some kind of daydream.

_...Seriously. How has she not exploded yet? That's going to bother me for the rest of my life, I just know it._

/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/

And so it went throughout the morning and early afternoon. Callista darted throughout her domain and did what she did best: bamboozling everyone she crossed paths with and getting her way without any complaints.

Bahija did her utter best to keep up with her, even as she struggled to drag everything Callista bought behind her. The bipedal wolf that was following them around took mercy on her a few times and took the heavier stuff off her hands, handing them off to several associates who would see to it that the purchases went to their proper destinations. However, the third time it happened the wolf took her leave, claiming prior obligations and leaving the sheep-girl to press on. Bahija was thankful for that, as the prey side of her was afraid that she'd be seen as dinner.

In the meantime...

...

"Ninety-nine cents for coffee?! That's a complete ripoff! I bet I could get an actual coffee maker for _ninety-eight!"_

...

"Trade you this pocket calculator for those diamond earrings!"

...

"Sorry for running you down, but you'll let me get away with it because I'm cute, right? ...Thought so~! Here. A 'Dr. Pepper', free of charge!"

...

"An autograph? Sure, if you let me buy this MP3 player for free!"

...

Throughout it all, Bahija subtly tired Callista out by pointing out stores that were either across the mall, on different floors, or both. This made her waste energy by ignoring more convenient shops that were close by, and by forcing her to use stairways and ramps whenever there was a line on the escalators and elevators. The sheep-girl was happy that even in the face of online shopping's ascent, there were still plenty of people who wanted to take care of their business in person. _All the better for me to achieve my goals._

At some point, Callista's mad spree finally slowed down to a pace that vaguely resembled normality. The Queen's desire to shop had been fully sated, her enthusiasm reducing itself to a dull roar. About an hour and a half after lunch, she was walking around just for the sake of humoring someone she perceived to be an earnest and friendly fan. Once this started happening, she began behaving less like a jerk to everyone. At her final stop, she even paid the full price for what she'd taken.

It was when she stumbled a little exiting the store, yawning for the first time since the two had crossed paths that morning, that it was time to move ahead to Phase Two.

/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/

[Bahija regarded Callista](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GupQvXEkchw) with a veneer of concern as they left the mall. The latter's arms were starting to sag, not from the weight of her purchases but through hefty tiredness. "Are you going to be alright? Maybe going to stores that were closer together would've been a better idea."

"Hardly the first time I've done that," Callista gently rebuked her. She blinked a few times as she doggedly fought off her exhaustion. "I'll probably end up doing it again tomorrow. The thrill of bargain hunting, pushing the limits of how much the Villes legally let me get away with... it makes me happy." She forced back a yawn. "Though I'm thinking that I'll call it a day. I've got a date..."

Behind her back, Bahija's face turned blue with shock. _Someone actually---!_

"...with a hot water bed," Callista finished, oblivious.

 _\---oh. Whew. For a moment I thought I was going to have to break cover early._ "Um... a hot water bed?" Bahija asked, her curiosity genuine. "How's that any different from a regular water bed?"

Callista recovered enough of her energy to look around, then turning to Bahija after being satisfied that no one was in earshot. "It's not exactly a secret, so I'm assuming you know I keep a few subterranean apartments around the Villes, right?"

"Yes. What about them?"

Callista lowered her voice some just to be on the safe side. The way she spoke, it sounded like she was describing some kind of guilty pleasure. "Don't let the public know about this, but... I like staying clean, but I love sleeping just as much, and years ago I learned to combine the two. My bathtubs are designed to keep water warm for pre-set amounts of time, and to automatically drain if the water level rises above a certain point. That way I don't have to worry about the water getting cold too soon, or me sinking low enough to drown." Her face sported the same gleeful smile she had when storming through the mall, though it was tinged with tiredness. "Sleeping for thirty to sixty minutes in hot water, absolute solitude, no light of any kind, with my favorite music in the background? Second-best feeling in the world. ...Discounting the time I accidentally blinded myself, of course."

"..." Bahija was taken off guard, though she wasn't sure if it was the mental image or the defiance of common sense that did it. Her past acquaintances would have said the former, but the latter couldn't be dismissed so easily. "And you've never gotten heatstroke or the like?"

"A few times, but that's what my Dr. Pepper's for. Yay for full restores."

Beat. "If you don't mind my honest opinion, Miss Wilson?" Bahija deadpanned. "You are _disturbed."_

"Yeah, I do believe I am. _Whew!"_ Still smiling, Callista knocked back a bottle of Hawaiian Punch that hadn't been in her hand a moment previous.

Bahija ignored the feeling that there was a reference she was missing. "So, how far out is your apartment? The closest one, I mean? Will you be okay getting back?"

"It's about eight blocks west of here," Callista said, waving off her concern and putting the bottle away. "No big deal for me. I like to run."

"Hmm... actually, if you want to rest for a bit, you're more than welcome to use my couch," Bahija suggested, channeling just enough emotion into her voice and face to indicate genuine worry. "My home's just a block and a half down this street..."

"I dunno." Callista was visibly reluctant to accept the offer. Bahija guessed that it had something to do with the fact that they'd known each other for only a few hours. "I've never liked imposing on others. I mean, I already make their lives interesting as it is, no need to take more than that..."

"I'm serious, Miss Wilson," Bahija said, making it clear that she wouldn't stand for anything else. "I've got a spare blanket in the coat closet, you can just nap or something while I run some errands, then leave once you're well rested. I'm not kidding when I say it's not a problem."

Callista sighed, but nodded. "Alright, Bahija," she decided. "You win. An hour of napping before I head home isn't going to hurt me."

 _"Ba-a-a-a-e-e~?!"_ the sheep-girl delightedly bleated. Realizing what she just said, she cleared her throat and coughed into her fist. "I mean... yes. Alright. I'll let you in."

A chuckle. "Sheesh. Try not to sound _too_ disappointed." A playful smile. "I bet you save a fortune on lawn mowing."

"Please forget I did that," Bahija pleaded. "Ignore me."

The smile widened. "If I said 'ok', do you promise not to pull the wool over my eyes?"

[ _"IGNORE ME!"_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsB6kwoE8FQ)


	4. Dark Copy-catted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bahija's plan to get close to Callista comes to a disastrous end, leading to the birth of Missy Coco and a new beginning.

After letting Callista into her house and pointing out where the spare blanket was, Bahija excused herself to her bathroom under the pretense of getting herself clean ("My own fault for not using antiperspirant before running around carrying stuff all over the mall", she'd said). Callista looked at her funny for a moment, tilted her head a little as if she were listening to something, then shrugged and let her go about her business.

...

It was no coincidence that her shower was _just_ large enough to accommodate Acutus after the curse was triggered, provided she kept her wings folded up. She weaved a spell into the air to make it seem to outsiders like her water was still running after she shut it off, then gingerly stepped out and opened a window on the pretense of removing any steam. Being careful not to let her talons scratch or click against the floor, she walked over to the bathroom door, stooped down to press the side of her head against it, and waited.

Two minutes later, a noise like that of whale song made Acutus flinch away from the door. _What in Xia's name is with that? Does she have sleep apnea, or are her sinuses just clogged? I don't think I've ever heard it sound so terrible!_

 _I guess I should count my blessings, though._ Acutus disabled the noise spell, its purpose served. _With that much snoring, she won't hear me coming and rouse herself._ Moving carefully, she slowly opened the door and made her way to the living room, bracing herself in case of the worst-case scenario.

She needn't have worried: Callista was out like a light, curled up into a ball on her couch with the blanket covering everything except her nose and mouth. Her purchases lay on the floor nearby, carelessly discarded but not in a position where they would be tripping hazards.

Acutus' heartbeat echoed in her ears as her long-suppressed desires tried to surge to the fore, but she forced herself to stay calm and keep herself from over-acting. _Doing so when my goal is within my reach is only going to put my life in jeopardy._ She allowed herself a smile, blushing. _But if I can either destroy her good qualities or modify her bad ones, well... no reason why I couldn't indulge myself then._

Acutus double-checked to ensure that her ring was still where it was supposed to be, then carefully seated herself on the ground. Uttering a spell so softly it was impossible for mortal ears to hear, she pointed a finger at Callista's forehead. With a rush of magic that took her breath away, she felt a whoosh of air and a mind-bending twist yank at her insides...

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

[...and found herself deposited into an entirely new environment.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6j5sz-tiGoo)

Acutus surveyed her surroundings as she got to her feet. In her experience, everyone's mindscape was different. Some had little to no substance. Others were locations from the subject's life that factored heavily into how they viewed the world; she knew that her own centered on Dryukl'ava IV, with her palace at the forefront. Callista's was primarily of the former. A green laser-like grid marked the translucent floor she stood on, reminding her of a computer simulation she saw back when technology began to catch her eye. Far beneath her feet, an endless sea of fractals stretched, curved and twisted as they drifted along like clouds. In the distance was nothing but the void.

There was a wooden stand situated close by, with a set of framed photographs on them. Prior experience told Acutus that these were of people who had impacted Callista's life in some way, so she allowed herself a quick glance to satisfy her curiosity.

The first showed a laughing blonde humanoid with black-tipped fox ears, what had to have been at least five long ponytails, and visible fangs. A bottle of some unidentifiable alcohol or other was clenched in one gloved hand. Acutus rested one hand near the frame to see what sort of sensation she would get from it; when she withdrew it a few seconds later, she felt both wistful for her former clan and grief-stricken from learning that her empire was demolished. _A missing sibling, and one she holds dear. She has to be._

The second could only have been a family photograph, each of the nine humans in it well-dressed. Seven of the faces were blurred beyond recognition, with the only clear ones belonging to a boy of around eleven years of age and an elderly woman that Acutus estimated to be in her mid-80s. On brushing the frame with her hand, she wondered what things would have been like if she had stayed with her clan instead of leaving to seek out power. _Neither of them look anything like Callista,_ she pondered as she withdrew her hand. _Their features are bland compared to all the humans I've ever known. And why are their faces clear compared to the rest of the family? Maybe she was adopted, and they were the only ones she has fond memories of? Did she run away from home? I thought I knew everything about her, but this raises too many questions..._

Acutus stepped away from the stand with some reluctance, deciding to ignore the remaining photographs. Much as she would've liked to examine them more closely and see what served as Callista's motivation in life beyond shopping and fighting, she was here on business. She picked a random direction and walked off, her long strides carrying her forward quickly.

She'd been walking for about six minutes before she got the impression that she wasn't alone...

_"Swing Sonic!"_

Acutus didn't have to look behind her to detect a blast of energy woven with air pressure flying at her. With a haughty 'hmph' at Powered Buttercup's attempted sneak attack, she raised her hand over her shoulder and flicked at the projectile before it could strike her back. The pained yelp as Buttercup's own attack (plus interest) hurdled her across the mindscape had the makings of a fine sonatina; it would have been a concerto if she had been able to get up again and keep fighting. _One down. Who's next to party with me?_

A swirl of blackness took a Delcatty-esque shape before a humanoid being threw itself at Acutus with a roar. If this had been in the physical plane she would have been worried at its raw speed and lethality, but in the mindscape she had many more options available to her. As the Dark Copycat slashed at her, Acutus' index and middle fingers twisted.

DC's claws passed through a thin portal... and its roar became a scream of pain as they inexplicably raked across its own face. Bits of what looked like crystalline dust were thrown off, the entity lacking a true flesh-and-blood body. Unfurling one wing, Acutus pivoted and struck DC full in the side with it, launching her away...

...straight at the Light Copycat while it was in the midst of materializing. A happy coincidence, that, since it saved Acutus the trouble of fighting it. Their heads collided together as they toppled, dazing them. A leap and a stomp from her crushed them both against the floor before they could recover. Already damaged, the DC did not wake up again; the LC was still conscious, but it was not in much condition to move either. _Two and three._

Acutus' fingers twitched, and Buttercup's unconscious body drifted to a stop nearby. _Just to make sure I can keep an eye on her if she wakes up,_ she told herself, eyes examining the Dark Copycat. _This is my real target._ She ignored the LC's futile attempts at getting up, instead pointing her fingers at its counterpart.

A spiralling helix of energy struck the Dark Copycat, particles rising from the construct clear into the unknown. Acutus lowered her hand and waited for the particles to completely fade, then let her gaze sweep across all three figures. "You saw nothing," she intoned, her mental energies willing themselves to life.

The LC's eyes became a bit unfocused, and it looked around itself from its prone position in confusion. "Why am I..."

Acutus' danger sense erupted just before she felt an invisible force smack her forehead, prevented her from hearing the rest of LC's question. Nothing had appeared in the mindscape in the past few seconds to engage her, but she didn't view that as a good thing; someone was attacking her true physical body. Snarling at the interruption, she broke her concentration and pulled herself back to the real world...

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

...just in time for something to nail her between the eyes. It didn't cause any real pain, but it was still mildly annoying. Acutus shoved whatever it was out of her face before checking to see what was bothering her.

[The groggy yet perturbed child](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjKYsxfk9h8) next to the couch couldn't have been more than seven years old. There didn't seem to be any visual indicators that she was related to Callista, given that the face, eyes and hair were all wrong, but the signature Acutus detected proved that she was indeed her clone. The child was inexplicably clothed with jean shorts and a black T-shirt, the latter advertising some amusement park or other that the dragon had never heard of.

None of that was what puzzled her, for all of that was small stuff and made sense given both prior experience and the local laws. What confused her was that there was a rubber trout in the clone's hand that was larger than she was. _What the...?_

The child got straight to the point. "Alright, knight breath. Who am I, who are you, _where_ am I, and why should I not rip your tail off and make a salad out of it? And speak quickly. I'm craving chicken."

Even if you filled a fleet of freighters with it, Acutus would still have arrogance to spare. _Adorable. And me without my Sunday best. I'll just have to settle for Saturday instead._ "You're a nameless clone of my crush's bad qualities," she said bluntly, striking an eye-catching pose that had once sent an entire battalion either running for the hills or screaming her name in adoration, gender depending. Given that she had also used it in the past to put small children in their place, she didn't see any reason why it would fail her now. "I am Acutus, Blue dragon and retired warlord. I've been masquerading as a humble sheep for two months in the hopes of catching and securing the most beautiful girl on the Continent."

The clone didn't say anything, which Acutus took as permission to continue. She raised a finger, and a spark of Blue energy gathered on its tip. "Since I created you, that effectively makes you my daughter. And with a touch, I can make you the same as me. How about it?" She gestured at the still-sleeping Callista. "Want to help me make it a family of three?"

The little girl focused on Callista for a few seconds, her chin in one hand. "My mom, huh...?" Nodding conclusively at whatever her thought process was, she steeled her expression and gave Acutus her undivided attention. "Tell her."

"Huh? What are you--- _eep~!"_

With a jump, the clone grabbed Acutus' nose and used it to yank her down to eye level, making her fall to her knees on the way. The Blue energy she had gathered sunk unused back into her hand. "Tell. Her," the child hissed. "Tell her why you decided to help her on her trip today. Why you deliberately exhausted her. And more importantly, _why_ you thought cloning the Dark Copycat to create me was _ever_ a good idea."

Acutus' eyes dilated even as one hand moved towards her sore nose. _Wait, she actually has memories of that? I thought she was a clean slate... but that means...!_ "But I---"

"Or so help me..." The clone's face slammed into hers, radiating enough fury that Callista shifted uncomfortably in her sleep. "...I'll splash you with cold water right now, break off your horns and make you _eat_ them, you sorry Sisterhood reject. Add a bit of sunshine sprinkled with dew, and I'd bet they'd taste _delicious!"_ She pointed at the sleeping shopaholic. _"NOW TELL MY MOTHER!"_

Lacking any doubt that the child would find some way of carrying out her threat, Acutus hastily saluted her. "Y-Y-Yes, boss! At l-least let me switch back first!" she squeaked. _She didn't so much as acknowledge me...! She doesn't even care about the power difference! I was positive that I copied the form and not the mind, but something still gave her all of her source's memories! I didn't plan for any of this!_

"Boss, huh..." The child's angry frown shifted into a smirk that was half insane, half smug, and all sinister. No seven-year-old, fake or otherwise, ought to be sporting that look. "I could get used to hearing that."

...

As she doused her hand in cold water in the kitchen, Bahija heard a munching noise. She turned, then stared in stark disbelief as she saw the child stealing her cereal out of her cupboard. "Hey, hey, stop! That's _mine!"_ she whined.

"Yeah, well, you snooze you lose," the child said, disregarding her worries around a mouthful of shredded wheat. "And for the record, you've been eating _way_ too healthy. You ever consider stocking up on Fruity Pebbles?"

A soft whimper. _What,_ Bahija thought, _did I just unleash?_

/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/

It took a bit of doing from both parties to try and rouse the tired Callista. Neither cajoling nor loud noises seemed to work, though the latter made some sense in light of how much the clone was yelling at Bahija. They finally succeeded when the clone climbed onto the back of the couch, reached down with her feet, and kicked Callista onto the floor.

She'd been more confused than upset by the action, and Bahija had taken it upon herself to explain everything that happened. She did her best to disguise her dragon-girl form's involvement, but Callista was no dummy. It was evident by her thoughtful gaze that she was doing the math the entire time, having access to information that Bahija didn't.

By the time the nervous ewe was finished explaining everything, Callista... couldn't work up enough anger to let it show on her face. Bahija guessed that the Dark Copycat was still out of commission, affecting her emotions appropriately... though that was cold comfort in light of the girl's rage being tranquil instead of volcanic. "...Everything makes sense now," Callista spoke softly. "Last time I met with Viridi at the _Mungojerrie,_ she and Raleigh told me that you had resurfaced and been placed under a Jusenkyo curse, saying I would find it funny when I met you again. In most circumstances I would find it chuckle-worthy."

Bahija's hand twitched. She looked down to see what the matter was, noticing that her ring was gone. "Hey---!"

["But I know what your game is now,"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7B5MTUShAns) Callista said, the ring disappearing within the confines of her purse. "There's nothing you can hide from me anymore. You played everyone for fools for months just to get to me. You met me at the mall, got my autograph, willingly played a sidekick while I ran around, offered to let me sleep it off here... all out of a single-minded obsession with something you're not allowed to have. If cloning the Dark Copycat hadn't worked out, you would have tried to erase her counterpart just to turn me into the Brotherhood's ideal leader. Probably would have tried to reshape my personality from the ground up just to make me more susceptible to your charms, and thus more likely to accept you. Does that sound right?"

 _The Goddess of Nature_ had _warned me that she was a powerful telepath..._ "You're not going to try to kill me again, are you?" Bahija asked nervously, her recent experiences burned into her mind. _What is it with me being intimidated by people I love?_

" _Please_ say yes." The clone sprouted black-furred ears on her head, a half-inch coat of cream-colored fur growing out of her skin. A newly-materialized tail lashed about eagerly. "Gimme an excuse, Calli! C'mon, gimme!"

Callista ignored her for the moment, focusing on her stalker. "You have no idea how much I want to drag you somewhere off-world where the death would actually stick. But by incapacitating the Dark Copycat, you've ensured that I'm able to think things through without my anger getting the best of me. And I admit to being violent, but I'd prefer not to kill if I can avoid it. As the situation stands, I'm willing to let this incident go provided three conditions are met."

Bahija felt an unexpected weight pull at her, forcing her down to her hands and knees. She didn't have to look to know that the clone was experimenting with her capabilities, or that she didn't have full control of them just yet. "Name the-m~!" she yelped as the telekinetic force slipped, yanking at her ears for a second before stabilizing between her shoulders. "Please, just tell me! I'll do anything for you, I promise!"

It was no one's guess as to why Callista's eyebrow was so fascinating. "Anything?"

 _"Anything!"_ Bahija cried, tears threatening to fall as she looked up at her face. "Anything! Please, _just don't leave me to die again!"_

"Grandma on Deer Herd Island," the clone griped. "For someone who can swing pre- _Super_ Frieza around like a baton, you sure don't have much dignity."

"Quiet a moment, lil' missy," Callista ordered, her voice still not rising any higher than normal. "We're going to incorporate part of her original plan into this. I realize I'm placing a lot on you considering you were born less than half an hour ago, but I'd like to designate you as my proxy for all Brotherhood operations. You will be its face from here on out, answerable only to me. Do everything in your power to restore the organization to its original status. I'll provide you with some funds to get things started, but after that you're on your own. Trying to run it myself _and_ live my life free is too tiring."

The clone waved her off. "No need to worry. I've got this in the bag."

"That's what worries me the most." Callista's eyes turned down towards Bahija, causing her to shiver. "And as for you..."

"Y-yes?"

"Condition #1: join the Brotherhood. Treat all of my clone's orders as if they came from me, and obey them accordingly. No exceptions. Also..." Callista directed her words to thin air. "Hey, Curtis? Whenever you get online, I need a fourth-wall break. Do you know whether her appearance is based on anything in particular?"

Before Bahija could wonder what she meant or who she was talking to, [an illustration of her](https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=2215903) appeared close by. Callista quickly assessed it, then nodded. "That'll work. Continuing, I want you to design a uniform for yourself worthy of the Brotherhood, starting with that cardigan. I don't care how shameless or proud you are; your manner of dress reflects on me, and I'm not going to associate with someone who flaunts their body just by walking around. If I catch you anywhere as a dragon-girl, I'm going to drop you back into that lake and make sure you _stay_ there until the universe dies a natural death."

Bahija hung her head with a sob. "Ye... yes, boss," she forced out, her voice heavy as she began to realize what she willingly got herself into.

"Good. I'll hold you to that." Callista gestured, and the image disappeared. "Condition #2: No one with the Infinite Defense wants to be affiliated with the Brotherhood, which is fine by me. I'm going to need a capable bodyguard on standby if I ever feel like dropping in. I want you to design and create one for me via the Cosmic Plushie Forge. I don't want it run-of-the-mill; I want it to be strong, capable, and one of a kind. I'll have my clone provide any assistance she can offer."

"Actually, you can knock off the 'clone' ID," the person in question interrupted with a smile. "Something you said gave me an idea."

"Oh? You got a name for yourself now?" Callista asked, interested.

"Sure do," the little child confirmed, preening. "As of now, I'm The Spectacularly Cool Missy Coco Chanel. The title's a work in progress."

Callista thought the name over, frowning. "It works, but I'm wondering about something. How do you spell 'Chanel'?"

"...I dunno," the newly-named Missy confessed. "It just sounded amazing. And familiar."

"I guess it doesn't matter," Callista decided. "Could've been someone famous, or it could've been one of my birth parents' cats... it's irrelevant. However you want to spell it, that's how we'll render it. Anyway, I'll take the both of you to the Forge in about two and a half hours and show you how to operate it. I want that bodyguard created inside two weeks."

"Alright, boss," Bahija said, feeling her spirits lift a little. _That at least doesn't sound so bad. Maybe I can get used to being a Brotherhood cog. It will at least give me something to do with my life._ "What's the third condition?"

"The PFL president's taking a producer of bootleg merchandise to court for using our images without consent. The manufacturer's reach was fairly extensive, so if you have anything of theirs around here, hand it over. You can't have it anymore."

Bahija buried her face in the carpet, bawling. Following a quick scan of her mind for the reason why, the remaining parties facepalmed.

...

...

...

...

That night before turning in, Bahija stared forlornly at the Callista bobblehead she was given as consolation. _It's just not the same._

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

_Location:_ Unnamed local creek

 _Time:_ Shortly after Bahija's confession

"...So," Callista said, having some trouble believing the words exiting her mouth. "You're my daughter."

"Yeah," Missy answered in the same tone. "I am. And before you say anything, no: I don't particularly want to live with you, and yes: I have all of the Dark Copycat's memories, and by proxy a decent chunk of yours. Inflicting me on any school is a _bad_ idea."

Callista facepalmed as she leaned against a stone barricade for support. "Is this a bad time to say that I have no idea how to be a parent? I promised myself when I was young that I was never going to marry or have any kids."

"Well, plus side: that failsafe of yours worked."

"After the disaster that happened the _last_ time my mind was attacked? I wasn't taking any chances." Callista brought herself down to eye level and clasped Missy's shoulders, an action the child flinched and frowned at. "At the very least I can do _one_ parent-y thing for you before we part ways. Feel like popping into Spamville with me right now and getting a head start on a new wardrobe before I take you to see the Forge?"

"...Do I have to?" Missy complained, not liking the idea. "Doesn't sound very fun."

"Kinda do." Callista reached into her hair, tapping a clip that was hidden there. A few paces away from them, a dimensional portal blazed to life. "And trust me, it's _very_ fun."

"Why do you say that?" Missy asked, not convinced.

"Well, let me put it this way..." Callista closed one eye and smiled, waggling a finger. _"Sore wa_ _ **himitsu**_ _desu."_

Missy caught the hidden meaning in that phrase, smirking dangerously. "Okay, _now_ I'm sold." The smirk faded back to a frown. "Just don't ruffle my hair, mom. You get me?"

Callista laughed as she pulled her daughter into the portal after her. "I make no guarantees, Missy Coco. None whatsoever!"

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

_Location:_ Abandoned warehouse complex

 _Time:_ Two days later

"Good. You made it. There's a specific dance I'd like you to do." Missy climbed onto a chair as she addressed Bahija, the wind ruffling her hair a little. A squad of Space Marines were scattered around the property, setting up some recording equipment and lighting. "I'll be sending a video to everyone you used to work for to 'notify' them of your altered allegiance. By tomorrow, your reputation as a good Samaritan's going to be blown wide open."

 _Had to happen sooner or later. I was tired of playing 'little miss nice girl' anyway._ Bahija clipped a microphone to her cardigan's collar. "Sure, boss. What sort of dance is it?"

Missy smiled in that creepy way of hers... and in answer, a plushie stepped out from behind her chair. It was designed to resemble a male human wearing an expensive suit and a mask over its head, with a piece of burning paper instead of a cigarette sticking out of its mouth. _"Gentlemen..."_ it intoned, a slight French accent coloring its voice.

Bahija's skin turned as white as her hair. _Now_ this _is something that_ cannot _be happening..._

...

...

And so it was that the news of Bahija's joining the revived Brotherhood, complete with a video of her doing the [Spycrab walk set to dance music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSw9pAnMwZU), made the rounds. With that bit of humiliation complete, there was no going back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said that all notes would be gathered at the end of the story, but I don't think this particular one can wait. Chapter 4's picture of Callista and Missy (of Tomo Takino and Ai Haibara, technically, but whatever) was commissioned from Pocolla at DeviantArt back in 2018. Do not, and I emphasize DO NOT, use without the creator's permission.


End file.
